"This Must Be My Fault" — Why We Take Rejection So Personally
Episode Notes
Episode Show Notes
What if heartbreak isn’t just about what happened to you—but what it reveals about what you believe about yourself?
At its core, heartbreak isn’t just about loss. It’s about the meaning your mind and body begin to make of that loss—especially when it touches something older. Rejection, betrayal, and disappointment have a way of surfacing deeper questions about who we are… and whether we are still worthy of love.
If you’ve ever found yourself asking, why does this hurt so much more than it should?… this conversation between Dr. Alison Cook and Dr. Peace Amadi will help you begin to understand why—and what healing might look like.
You’ll explore:
- Why rejection can feel deeply personal… even when it isn’t
- The hidden beliefs heartbreak can quietly bring to the surface
- Why certain patterns in your life keep getting replayed
- How past wounds can shape your present reactions
- What happens to your faith when pain doesn’t make sense
- Where healing begins when nothing feels resolved yet
This conversation offers a compassionate, faith-rooted path forward—helping you make sense of what’s been stirred up within you, and gently move toward a deeper sense of peace.
More Resources:
Check out Dr. Peace Amadi’s brand new book, The Wholehearted Way: Finding Peace After Life’s Heartbreaks, Disappointments, and Rejections
Connect further with @dralisoncook on Instagram
Want to go deeper? Join 80,000+ soul menders in our email community and receive weekly reflections and gentle practices here.
If you liked this episode, then you’ll love:
Episode 200: Trauma, Safety, and Healing—3 Trauma Responses + 4 Ways to Restore Trust
Episode 179: Building Wise Trust - How to Protect Your Heart Without Closing It Off
Episode 188: The Healing Power of Safe People (Not Just Safe Spaces)
📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here
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TRANSCRIPT
When you're sitting there after heartbreak, after the end of a marriage, after the loss of a hope,
the loss of a dream, what are you really believing about yourself in that moment? Heartbreak has a
way of revealing the toughest, nastiest things that we think about ourselves. And until we can tap
into that and confront that and begin to work on changing that, as soon as we become aware of
things, that's the only place we can start to kind of dust them off and begin to work with them.
Hey everyone, and welcome back to this week's episode of The Best of You Podcast. I'm so glad
you're here with me for today's deep dive conversation. This is for anyone who's ever known the
ache of heartbreak, rejection, or disappointment, and especially for those of us who know what it
is to take these experiences deeply into our bodies and our stories. I want to begin today with
this simple, beautiful reminder from Psalm 34, 18, the Lord. is near to the brokenhearted and saves
the crushed in spirit. I love this verse because it doesn't rush us past pain.
It doesn't minimize heartbreak or ask us to tidy it up too quickly. It simply reminds us that when
our hearts are broken, when we feel crushed in spirit, God comes near.
Maybe you've had a relationship end and found yourself not only grieving the loss, but also
wrestling with that deeper question underneath it all. What does this say about me? Maybe you've
been betrayed, overlooked, misunderstood, or left holding a pain that seems to reach far beyond the
moment itself. And maybe if you're honest, you've found yourself carrying not just the sadness,
but even shame. Maybe self-blame. confusion, that sense that something painful out there has
somehow turned inward on yourself. If that resonates, I think today's episode is going to meet you
in a really powerful way. My guest today is Dr. Pisa Mahdi, and this conversation was so rich
because she brings both her incredible professional wisdom and a deeply personal honesty to the
subject of healing. Dr. Pisa Mahdi is a psychology professor, speaker, coach,
and mental health expert. She's the author of numerous books, including her brand new book.
It's called The Wholehearted Way, Finding Peace After Life's Heartbreaks, Disappointments,
and Rejections. And it is exactly that kind of book, one that helps us understand why rejection
cuts so deep, how old wounds can shape the stories we tell ourselves, and how healing begins not by
pretending the pain isn't right. but by letting it reveal what's been living underneath the surface
all along. What I really appreciate about Dr. Peace is that she writes and speaks from that rare
place where clinical insight, faith, and her lived experience all meet. She understands that
heartbreak is never just about what happened right now. It's also about where heartbreak has
touched us in the past. The beliefs it exposes, the old wounds it often awakens.
The parts of us that begin to wonder, am I too much? Am I not enough? Am I somehow the reason this
happened? And in today's conversation, that's where we're headed. We're going to talk about
rejection wounds, shame, self-blame, nervous system responses, and the way heartbreak can
sometimes become an opening into deeper healing all the way back to the past. We also talk about
faith, what happens when pain doesn't just shake your trust in other people, but begins to shake
your trust in God. And Dr. Peace offers such a grounded, compassionate vision of healing.
She's so real. I loved this conversation. She doesn't give us a neat and tidy formula or a forced
kind of happy ending, but she wants us to learn to hold the truth of our pain alongside the
possibility and the hope of peace and healing and even more goodness. I know so many of you will
feel seen by this conversation as I did. So whether you are in the middle of a heartbreak of your
own, whether you're trying to make sense of an old wound that still gets touched, or whether you're
simply longing for a more compassionate and whole way of walking through disappointment, I'm so
glad you are here with me today. Please enjoy my conversation with Dr.
Peace Amadi.
Well, I'm thrilled you're here. And I would love for you to open this conversation in the way that
you open this beautiful new book, The Wholehearted Way. I love the title, by the way. I want to get
into how you landed on that. We have so many overlaps in our interests, and you're just bringing
such a beautiful lens to this conversation. You start the book with a pretty vulnerable story about
sitting on a plane after experiencing betrayal. Would you tell us about that moment?
Kind of what... were feeling in your body, what was going on in your mind, how you were kind of
sitting with that in that moment as it was happening? Yeah. Going back to that place in my body,
I was feeling shame. I was feeling shame in my body. I was feeling panic.
I was feeling immense fear about...
it meant that the person I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with,
that was no longer the case. I was feeling self-blame because the type of relationship we had,
it was two things. He was really good at making everything.
feel like my fault, every problem in our relationship. you know, be my fault.
And because I already had, and I'm sure we can talk about this more, a rejection wound,
it was easy to just accept all of that. Accept that there was something about me that made you
betray me. And this happening at, you know, what I say,
a big age. I was in my 30s. It just felt like this was the end of my...
story it was my fault and this was the end this was the end what i wanted love which is you know so
fundamental right all we want is love um it wasn't gonna happen this was done this was it it was my
fault um And so on that plane, and I share the story that I had just come off of delivering mental
health goods. I was a keynote speaker for this conference and helping people through their story.
And literally at that conference learned that he had been unfaithful and was on my way home.
And yeah, that's panic, fear, shame, blame.
And I love it. So first of all, you are a psychologist. You're an expert. Well, yeah,
by training, but a psychology professor by work. Yeah. Yes. Right. So this is your field,
right? And I love this because I feel the same. Like, this does not make us immune from,
in many ways, the illogic of shame. Because, P.S., I just, I listen to this. I'm like, you were
betrayed by someone. He was unfaithful. And in that moment, what your body,
I think the first word you said was shame. This must be my fault. I mean,
isn't that amazing? We it doesn't matter what we know. It's what if anything,
and I don't know if you experienced this, if anything, if anything, it can sometimes feel like
even. an additional level of shame because it's like us as the professional how did we get here how
did we get to the point where all this knowledge we don't prevent these situations yeah that's a
good point so it almost adds an extra I should have seen this I should have seen this coming yeah
so I want to flip into your expert hat here for a moment.
Why does rejection so quickly turn into shame and self blame? You talked about your own rejection
wounds. I want to use your own story, use your expertise. I'd love to kind of unpack that. What is
it about rejection or betrayal, which is a form of, you know, extreme form of rejection?
Why does it so quickly turn inward? Yeah. So I'll say two things to that.
Well, first, I mean, we are meant. We are designed to be accepted,
to be loved, and to be embraced. Those are our fundamental needs, as you know. So rejection is
going to be painful for us because we're not supposed to experience that in a way.
We're not designed, we're not built for that in a way. But as someone who has a rejection wound,
I talk about how that's always going to add an additional layer of pain because we're already so
sensitive to it. Does that make sense? Yeah. So tell me a little bit about what you mean by
rejection wound. Yeah. So rejection wound is a kind of origin wound.
kind of like our our first experience of pain it is it was a time as you already know like but you
know for the listeners it's a time in our life where we are being imprinted with a global
experience this is what the world means this is how i like to explain orange orange and wound as
well it's an imprint It tells us about the world in one incident. And early in my life,
I experienced several rejections that made me see the world as the world rejects me and I am
rejectable. So every experience that I go through that could be ambiguous,
that somebody else could look at it differently. I, because of my rejection wound, I,
because I've been imprinted with this kind of global, interpretation of what life is and what that
means for me, I'm going to interpret everything as my fault because I am rejectable.
Interesting. So that makes sense. So you answered the question, why does it hurt? There's two
things. The first is it hurts all of us. It's universal. We're not designed for rupture,
for rejection, for betrayal. But when there's that extra layer of an imprint,
I love that word, where you've Your body has learned to see through that lens of I am fundamentally
rejectable. There's that extra layer of this is my fault. This has to be about me.
And when did you first become aware of that? Because I think if you're not aware of that,
you might believe the lie. Like for you, the moment in the plane is you then can notice that,
do the work of. anchoring yourself to reality but when was there a moment when you began to realize
oh my gosh I have this lens through which I see things yeah for sure you know it's funny that I
think I first started realizing that I was reading things in a different way when I would share
stories and not this particular story of the betrayal with the guy but I would share other
situations and how I felt and apparently by what I would say,
like, oh, I'm so stupid. I'm, you know, if this is, I should have done this better or whatever the
case may be, whoever I'd be talking to would be like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's, that's a little, that's a little strong piece. Like I wouldn't have necessarily thought
about it that way. Yeah. Yeah. That hurts, but I don't like your. going really hard on yourself and
you're making yourself the the entire center and the entire core of this problem and so hearing
that feedback i'd be like oh i maybe i am thinking about this in a way that i don't have to and
then it was further confirmed in therapy when i started my work years ago you know my therapist was
actually the one to start giving me um some additional terms in what I'd learned in school,
like rejection sensitivity. That's like a newer term, rejection sensitivity, a global sense of
rejection. And I was like, oh, yeah. But it was first in conversation with friends,
comparing experiences or hearing them say, whoa, girl, calm down.
And it was just a normal way to talk about myself and a normal way to think about. myself. This is
I'm rejectable. Yeah. This is this is my script. This is my play.
Yeah, this is about me. I want to kind of touch on this rejection sensitivity.
I only recently became aware of that term in the therapeutic space. And it was interesting.
Because I noticed, you know, we've talked about highly sensitive, the highly sensitive person,
that's kind of the language I've, which is different. They're two different things. But I as I've
thought about that lens and I'm curious it tell me a little bit what you mean by it but it's kind
of helped because it's like I'll see other people even to this day able to take a rejection or take
an insult or take a criticism and just kind of they don't like it but they kind of just either clap
back easily or move on and that has never been me. I take it in.
Is that kind of like, tell me a little bit about what does rejection sensitivity mean?
And it sounds like there's some sense of it's of nature and nurture. There's some sense of it
that's part of predisposition and wiring and then probably paired with some painful experiences.
Some experiences. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So that wounding is about. Interpreting rejection where
there may be room for another explanation. I think that was one big revelation for me where,
you know, even in ambiguous situations, even in situations where another interpretation of why
things happened, like in my case, he's a narcissist, you know, where another interpretation could
work. My immediate. you know, interpretation was, it's me.
I'm, I'm rejectable. I'm rejectable. There's something wrong with me or, um, it pains it.
The pain is, as you just said, not something you can easily bounce back from.
It is something that sits with you, stays with you weeks, months, years. It starts to write your
story. When you're experiencing rejection like that, you're talking about something a little deeper
than the, you know, my feelings are a little bit hurt, but it's okay.
I'm going to keep it pushing and go to the next one. There's some of us who, because of our wiring,
like you said, and because of our wounding, wiring and wounding. are going to respond a little bit
differently it's going to be a little bit more elevated a little bit more heightened and of course
that doesn't you know we all have our stuff but for those of us who have that little origin that
little wounding rejection takes kind of an additional toll on us
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It makes so much sense and I so appreciate your being willing to talk about it and anchor this
wholehearted way because it gives hope, I think, to know, oh, it's not just me.
It's not just me. I'm not the only one. You know, when I was like, gosh, I... Even to this day,
I've thought, why am I so sensitive? That kind of thing. Why was this so hard for me? And then you
start to realize, no, no, there's a lot of us out there for whom this is just very real.
And it is true for everybody, but a subset for whom there's an even greater.
And my guess is that there's a. I always think with any of these kind of sensitivities,
there's a strength on the other side. I don't think it's an accident that you're in a healing
profession with a lot of empathy. I think those two things sometimes go on the same two sides of
the same coin.
Absolutely. Yeah. The sensitivity we have for other people, the almost kind of superpower I feel
like we have in reading other people's. pain. I think it's kind of this, that's,
you know, my, my therapist would always say, you know, there's, there's, there's the gift of it.
And, you know, I don't want to call it a curse, but there's the gift. And then there's the, there's
the burden, you know, if you will. Yeah. And, The feedback I also get from friends and family and
loved ones and people in my care is just, I can get to their pain and feel their pain quicker than
anybody else in their life.
I do think that's connected. I think there's a sensitivity there. a reader there we have of our
world and of our loved ones that, you know, they depend on.
But, you know, when we're going through our stuff, it's hard. It sucks. And it can feel
embarrassing, even though it's human, you know. But yeah, absolutely.
So this leads me to then for someone listening, if we keep returning to relationships or
environments where we feel unseen or kind of almost heightened that it's almost like we're trying
to get that healed. What longing might be driving that pattern?
Because I can see how, again, when there's that old wound,
as you say, that rejection wound, there's often that subconscious drive to get it healed.
And maybe that even is drawn toward people who replay the pattern. Yeah. Oh,
absolutely. I believe in that. I believe that we are unconsciously drawn to the very things that
hurt us because unconsciously we're seeking another way to get it repaired.
Or even if it's starting to... to repair then it's almost like we need to continue testing it like
let me just make sure i am truly accepted let me just make sure i am truly okay let me just make
sure i i am you know beloved and it's not that easy to just fall away from me because i feel like i
have done a lot of work in my life personally and that there's been a lot of repair but i find in
relationships and especially in you know my most intimate relationships that there's a part of me
that still wants to test that like let me just you know let me just make sure that we're still good
here and I'm I've I have seen patterns of being drawn to people who have temperaments or
characteristics that make it easier for me to want to test that.
And, you know, at some point I want to sit down with God and be like, why did you like, why is it,
why did you do that? Like, why is it this way? But I can tell you for sure that I've consistently
seen that pattern in myself and in the various ways that I've worked that we at least unconsciously
are seeking for a chance to continue to fix and to continue to find assurance in,
in, in those same ways around the theme of rejected. Are we truly accepted? Are we truly lovable?
Can people stick? I think that's like another word that I've sat with.
Can you stick to me? Or is there something I can do, you know, unintentionally to make you leave
me? So it's, yeah, I've seen that pattern.
I've seen that pattern in myself. You know, in the book and in my work, I talk about the things we
can do when we are. kind of in that cycle, but it is something to continually be aware about and
something that I personally have to be intentional about and sort of suss out when I feel myself
feeling that shame and panic and fear again. Yeah, it's a cue. And you talk about one of the things
you say is that heartbreak can become an opening. So the pain of that actually becomes your
invitation. And I want to get into that, the healing part of it. Before we go there,
I have a question I like to ask other people in this field. Because I think when people reach out
for help, when they start to recognize something's off here, I'm feeling more shame than I want to
feel, or I'm blaming myself for something that's not my fault, or I can't get out of a pattern,
they reach for support. And you've talked a little bit about what was helpful with your friends
kind of naming. I think you're taking on too much here or your therapist helping you name things.
I also kind of like to flesh out, did you, were there things that weren't helpful? Because I also
think it's helpful sometimes to name, like these were the kind of messages that weren't. helpful to
me for example one you know that i've talked about a little bit is you know pray it away you know
like just just pray more and that that can be so self-defeating because it's like well it's a
nervous system issue that is going to take And many moments of practicing,
just to your point, practicing a new way, it won't magically go away necessarily. And so that can
feel so self-defeating if someone says, just pray it away, because then when it doesn't go away,
it's like, am I a failure of faith now too? So that's one example. I was just curious if,
and if you don't have any, if there's, but if... there was advice that wasn't helpful or hasn't
been helpful or wouldn't be helpful, just to alert the listener if they're hearing that, it's okay
to go, oh, that's not going to take me where I am. to go here yeah oh absolutely so anything in the
name of like well just just get over it just you know just shrug it off just dust it off like it's
it's not that deep it's not that serious like anything that was said that sort of um made it how do
i say this made it that wasn't congruent to what it felt like to me wasn't helpful. So if I'm
telling you, this is breaking my heart. If I'm telling you, I don't know my way out of this thing.
I don't want to show up again. I don't want to continue. And I don't know why. And you're telling
me something that feels incongruent to how deep and serious it feels. That wasn't helpful.
It was helpful to hear. That's a different response that I that I,
you know, like if a friend was saying, wow, I wouldn't have arrived there. That was helpful because
it showed me there was something to look at, but it wasn't helpful to be invalidated.
Because when you talk about nervous system, we don't just flip a switch and have our body respond
in a different way. You know, I love that. That's such an important I want to.
double click there for a second because that's a nuanced difference where a friend who says just
that's stupid you're fine get over it versus a friend who says that's interesting it maybe if you
know I don't know that I would respond that way or it does feel like you're being a little hard on
yourself right there that's a nuanced difference that really matters we it's not that we have to
validate everything that our friends tell us or that we feel like I know I've come to a point in my
life, even again, I'm, you know, I'm an empty nest, you know. like old, you know, but it's like,
oh my, and I just, I, to the, to the point we were talking at the top of the episode about humor.
And I was talking about the, how you can get to a point of being able to laugh at yourself. I'm at
a point now where I can kind of go, oh golly, I am just ridiculous. Like I can't even like fire a
repairman who has botched a job because I don't want to hurt his feelings, you know, like, and it's
that, that sensitivity. I'm so sensitive to that. I don't want to impose that on anybody else. And
I'm to the point where it hasn't totally changed. But I can kind of laugh at myself a little bit,
right? Because it's just a part of me. But that's different. So I'm not validating. I'm not
acknowledging that it's not kind of an extreme response.
But I'm also accepting it, I guess. So I love how you're saying that. There's a nuanced middle
ground there that we can hold ourselves and our friends with. Absolutely. Yeah, there's noticing.
And a word that I've been loving, witnessing. There's been noticing and there's witnessing.
And then there's judging. And as my friend, I want you to notice.
I want you to witness. I want you to tell me, you know, what... looks different and you know
because you because you want me to understand myself better but I don't need your judgment and I
don't need your invalidation and I certainly don't need help feeling ashamed so you know I'm gonna
pick and choose who can notice and who can witness and who can gently hold up a mirror so that I
can understand myself and find greater fulfillment in my relationships and I'm gonna step out of a
relationship with you if I'm gonna be feeling judged and invalidated and you giving me more reason
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love that i love that that's that's really um really wise i think when we think about who we're
going to walk with and who we're going to let into these tender places so i want to i want to shift
to Kind of we've been circling around it, how we heal and holding intention,
the wiring and the wounded. This isn't going to happen magically healing. What does healing look
like to you? How do you see the goal here? And I know it kind of gets to, I think,
the title of your book, but how do you see the goal here? Yeah, so I've defined wholeheartedness.
I've chosen wholeheartedness as a word. to define a process.
I call, or I define wholeheartedness as an integrative approach to healing.
And, you know, the whole book is about like the different pillars or the different aspects of what
this healing looks like. And kind of similar to, you know, I had mentioned before,
I think this was offline, that I really loved one of your recent episodes about humor being a sign
of healing, being a sign that you're healing, you know, I would say peace,
a sense of peace is a sign that you've been healing.
And so this whole book, wholeheartedness sort of break down and unpack some of the most helpful
aspects of this healing process that ultimately can lead us.
to peace not everything being fixed you know not everything being perfect again but having peace
even while we're kind of moving through the various kind of heartbreaks that life gives us i one of
the stories that i go back to is that relationship i thought i was gonna spend my life with this
guy you know but men certainly are the only people who break our heart right
Friends can, siblings can, parents can, your country can,
all of that. So wholeheartedness is what I call an integrative approach to healing that can lead us
to peace. And it begins with trying to get us to hold,
when we go through something, the opposing realities of our lives.
So in this situation, with this relationship I'm talking about, there was the reality that I was
completely heartbroken and I felt like my love story was over, that this was it.
This was the end. I was saying goodbye to a relationship and it hurt.
And pain has to run its course. But when I say embracing opposing realities in our lives,
there's that truth. I'm heartbroken. I don't see a future. I don't see another way. I don't see the
end. I'm saying goodbye to this relationship, but I'm also... saying hello to a new relationship
with myself. There was clearly, because of this heartbreak,
an ability for me to see the things that I was still believing about myself that I'd always
believed. You know, things about me that could stand to be touched by God,
could stand to be touched by, you know, love, by more internal work.
And I was able to see that. Because of that heartbreak. When I talk about heartbreak being an open
window into our soul, there's something heartbreak can do that other things can't do. And it's
reveal what's deep down under, you know, what can still stand to be healed. And so when I embrace
that fullness of it, that I'm hurting and I'm heartbroken, I'm saying goodbye, but I'm also at the
beginning of saying hello, creating a new relationship with myself. To me,
in that, that's the beginning of finding peace. There's this, but there's also this. You know,
there's this reality, but there's also this reality. And they feel contradictory. But when I can
hold them together, there's something about that that I can gain from.
That's a word. That's beautiful. I am so struck by the fact that your name is Peace.
People have been saying that. It's just so... Because that word is, you just brought such depth to
that word. It's not either or. It's holding the reality of both. Right.
That's incredible. So how would you tell the listener from the book?
I know you provide a very clear path. What are some of the first steps on the path?
Yeah. I'm always going to start with looking at your beliefs.
like in the first place, um, when it comes to healing, well, actually the first,
very first thing that I just, you know, in the name of not hinting at any kind of spiritual
bypassing is to let pain run its course. I mean, for at least a week,
maybe two, I couldn't even think like, don't, I'm not going to read a book. I'm not gonna,
I'm. I can't think straight. I can't see straight. I can't hear anything.
I can hardly pray. I think I looked up to God and I said, how, why? Those were my prayers.
How, why, you know? And my mom's spoken to me and friends spoken to me and they dropped really good
seeds, but pain has to run its course. It's like when we're bleeding, like physically bleeding,
that blood, it's coming out, it's pumping out. And we just have to like, what's the word?
Put pressure and, you know, like not die. Like the goal is not to die.
You know what I mean? When we're broken, the very first thing is try not to die.
And I know I'm being facetious here, but when we're that broken over anything, love,
the end of a marriage, the loss of a dream, you know, whatever, just. breathe,
like just try to get to the next day is the very first step. That's amazing. It's true. You know,
but after that, because heartbreak can help us tap into what's really deep beneath the service.
And a lot of that is some really messed up beliefs we have about ourselves.
The first thing I would tell people is try to grab what those are.
When you're sitting there after heartbreak, after the end of a marriage, after the loss of a hope,
the loss of a dream, a chapter in your life coming to an end and you don't know if you'll ever get
a new beginning, a new chance at it, like love. For me, in that case, was love.
What's really going down? What are you really thinking about yourself in that moment?
What are you really believing about yourself in that moment? Heartbreak has a way of revealing the
toughest, nastiest things that we think about ourselves. And until we can tap into that and
confront that and begin to work on changing that. And in the book, I name sort of like three
specific beliefs I think can kind of summarize a lot of what we all feel.
And I'll just say them, you know, I'm bad, I'm broken, and my life is beyond hope.
when we can kind of grab those and sit with them.
I mean, you know, Dr. Allison, that as soon as we become aware of things, that's the only place we
can start to kind of dust them off and begin to work with them when they become aware to us in the
first place. That's the only place they can be shaken out is when they're aware, when they're held
up to the light. And so that's always going to be my first. what do you believe what what is this
making you believe about yourself right now whatever the heartbreak and disappointment or rejection
is what is it grab that thought because as soon as you hold it up you can start to work with it oh
that's so good that's so good and therein begins the healing it's such a paradox but it's actually
allowing that heartbreak i love how you And again, in the book, you really talk about this broken
heart, you know, and in those pieces, you can actually start to see more clearly. Yes.
It's so good. It's so good. I want to just before we wind down here,
and you've talked about this a little bit, but how did your experience,
your experiences in the plural, but this experience as well, affect your faith?
You've touched on this, but I think many people can begin to maybe not only lose hope in others,
but lose hope in God and bring some of this into their relationship with God. Maybe I'm not worth
God's time.
How has that been played out in your life, and how have you seen that show up spiritually?
Yeah, you kind of named it right there. So, you know, I'm talking about the heartbreak being an
open window and open glass and to our past and to our soul and starting to see more clearly about
what's all underneath, what's all underneath this. Right. And then it finally gives us a chance to
work at it. And one of one thing that I found in addition to me feeling or realizing that I
believe, oh, I'm I'm I'm broken. Like I don't work. My love doesn't work like I.
I don't work. Something about me doesn't work. And that's just what it is, was, you know,
God doesn't work. You know, it's there's or he doesn't work for me.
You know, I believe in God. Somehow it didn't shake my belief like in God and his existence.
But it did shake my belief in like God working things out for me.
There's I feel like. For a lot of us, maybe we can, it's like saying, yeah, God is good,
but it's God good to me. God is faithful, but it's God faithful to me are two very different
things. And I realized one of my beliefs is one of the beliefs under the core was,
yeah, that, you know, God is good and God is real, but I don't know if God is good and real to me.
I don't know why he would let me go. through all of this i've i've like the story of hannah i've
been asking him for one thing it's like you know how they say you have one job You know,
I've been asking God for one thing and I've seen him do magic in all these different areas of my
life. But this one thing, what you have one job, God, and it looked like we were getting close and
nope, you know, I'm alone. You don't care. And the funny thing is,
Allison, and I want to be careful how I talk about this, because I don't know how God's going to
meet every reader that reads this book or every listener. I don't know how God's going to what God
is going to do. in their stories i believe god's going to do something um and i'll tell you that my
life looks completely different now than it looked back then and i and i've seen um there's
redemption in my story that i'm not ready to talk about publicly but i'll you know hint hint
there's there's a lot of redemption in my story that i'm celebrating now and i and i say i want to
be careful talking about it because you know, how you'll hear, Oh, they did it for this person. And
we know, and then we start, I don't know. I just, that's a whole other theological thing. I don't
want to go down. I do believe God is faithful to his children, but I,
in my story, I questioned that. And I believe it was important for me to find,
to work towards finding peace in the unknown to me was the whole point,
not, not what practically God has done for my life now, because I can't sell that to you.
I don't know what God's going to do. I know God's going to do something, but I don't know what's
going to do. But what I can sell you is that you can find peace in the unknown and you can find
peace in the unfolding of your life. Because one truth is, is as long as we're here and we're
longer still breathing, God is not done. We're not done. And there's some,
powerful things that can come out of realizing that. And I hope that for my readers and for my
listeners, they get exactly what they want. But I know what's even more important is how to find
peace in the unknown, in the unwielding, in the uncertain,
and in the unfolding that is a characteristic of each and every one of our lives.
Our stories are still unfolding. So I don't know. I think that was a roundabout way to get to
something. But that's definitely what I want to leave with. That's the heart of the book, that you
can find peace, that your life is still unfolding. It's not over. That is a lie, that it's over.
It is a lie that you're broken and that you don't work and that your life doesn't work. It is a lie
that you are bad. I believe we are good and worthy by grace. And there's some beauty to be found in
all of that.
That's how I'd answer that. That is so powerful. I love that. It's like you're refusing to tie the
happy bow because we don't know how that plays out. And it doesn't always play out the same for
everybody. That doesn't mean that we don't have that. gift that comes it's just you said that so
well Dr. Peace you are truly a doctor of peace that was a word I just felt that in my bones and it
I can tell it's coming from your hard-earned wisdom your expertise you know all the different
layers of whole I I can feel from you the wholeheartedness and that means a lot to me yeah yeah I
could feel just It's just really powerful. Where can my listeners find your work?
Because I want them to find you and your work and your book and all that you're doing. Yeah, thank
you for that question. So of course you can, right now I'm most active on Instagram, so you can
find me at itspisamadi. I'm sure you'll leave those details. But I really love people to check out
this book. I'm so excited about this book. It's not my first book, but it is my personal,
most personal book thus far. I will say that this book, you know, wasn't about establishing me as
an author, testing the waters. I wanted to write an honest book about healing.
I'm really excited for people to find gems. I believe there are gems in this.
And you can find this book anywhere where books are online. It's Amazon, Target,
Barnes & Noble. Any online retailer, go to your favorite. You can grab it. But you can get all
those links directly from my Instagram page. I'd love for you to give it a chance. I cannot
recommend it more. We will link to it in today's show notes. We'll link to it on our website, The
Wholehearted Way by Dr. Pisa Mahdi. It is well worth, if you're a listener of this podcast,
you will love this book. It is just your story and your expertise just in this wholehearted way.
It's just so beautiful. And I'm so grateful that you are sharing your wisdom with the world,
sharing your wisdom with us today. Thank you for taking the time. I am just so grateful for you.
Thank you. Thank you, Dr. Allison. This was a bucket list to talk with you and on your podcast
because I love it. So thank you for having me and thank you for sharing your listeners with me.
We're grateful. Thank you for joining me for this week's episode of The Best of You. It would mean
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