episode
158
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Anxiety

Your Pain Has a Name: The Deeper Hurt Behind Distressing Thoughts with Therapist Monica DiCristina

Episode Notes

 What if your most distressing thoughts aren’t who you are—but a signal pointing to pain that needs healing?

Therapist and author Monica DiCristina joins me to talk about the deeper emotional and spiritual wounds that often lie beneath distressing thoughts.

Monica shares her personal journey with trauma-related intrusive thoughts and the power of finally naming what hurt.

We also explore what to do when intrusive thoughts show up in our inner worlds, how to seek the right kind of support, and why healing always starts with curiosity rather than shame.

Pick up your copy of Monica's new book:  ⁠Your Pain Has a Name: A Therapist's Invitation to Understanding Your Story and Sorting Out Who You Are from What Hurts⁠

Connect with ⁠Monica DiCristina⁠

📞 Call 307-429-2525 to share your thoughts or a question for a future episode.

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If you liked this episode, you’ll love:‍

  • ⁠Episode 134⁠: Bridging Mysticism and Science—A Personal JourneyThrough OCD with Therapist Ryan Kuja
  • ⁠Episode 97: ⁠I Shouldn't Feel This Anxious—Insights on Trauma & Healing with Monique Koven

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Thanks to our sponsors:

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Editing by Giulia Hjort

Sound engineering by Kelly Kramarik

Music by Andy Luiten

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While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍

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© 2025 Alison Cook. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Please do not copy or share the contents of this webpage or transcript without permission from the author.

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Transcript:

Hey everyone, and welcome back to this week's episode of the Best of You Podcast.

Before we dive in, I just wanted to take a moment to thank you. Several of you have left reviews of the podcast recently, and it truly means the world to me.

So much heart and effort goes into creating this podcast and hearing how it's encouraging you personally is truly what keeps me going.

SH2Rose wrote, I like Dr. Cook's perspectives from the psychological and spiritual side of issues. Her vulnerability is an asset as a show host. Wow. Thank you for that. It's hard to be vulnerable, and I appreciate that encouragement.

MobilizerMom wrote, I've read your books, but the daily work is still trying at times, and I appreciate having you in my ear to encourage me onward in it. Again, thank you for letting me know. It really means a lot to me.

MarissasReviews wrote, As someone with anxiety and OCD, I really appreciate Dr. Allison sharing things related to mental health challenges. As a Christian, it's very encouraging.

And lastly, JennaFTally wrote, I look forward to every new episode and even go back and re-listen to old ones. There's always something new to learn, and it's much appreciated.

Gosh, again, thank you. I so appreciate you're taking the time to write these reviews. It's helpful in getting the word out about the podcast, but even more your words are a gift to my own heart and my own soul, and I don't take them for granted.

Today's episode is a powerful one, one that I hope meets you with gentleness and clarity, especially if you've ever struggled to make sense of the pain you carry. I'm joined by Monica DiCristina. She's a therapist, writer, and the author of a brand new book called Your Pain Has a Name—A therapist's invitation to understanding your story and sorting out who you are from what hurts.

Monica's work is rooted in the belief that healing begins when we learn how to name what hurts. Her writing and clinical practice offer a thoughtful, deeply compassionate lens on emotional health, trauma, anxiety, and the. Inner stories we all carry. Many of you may already know Monica from her beautifully encouraging presence on Instagram or her substack where she writes about pain, healing and the slow work of growth.

Monica and I both share a passion and a belief that healing doesn't begin by pushing feelings away, but instead by turning toward them , with curiosity, honesty and care

In today's conversation, Monica shares her experience of an early childhood trauma and the years that followed years marked by intense anxiety and what clinicians call trauma related OCD. That's a term for unwanted thoughts that feel deeply out of character and that Monica couldn't find relief from until she began to get to the root of her pain.

But this conversation doesn't end there. It's about perseverance. It's about what happens when we keep seeking help, even when we're initially misunderstood.

It's about finding the right name for what we're experiencing, and it's about the healing that becomes possible when someone finally sees you clearly and helps you see yourself with new eyes.

I'm so honored to welcome Monica DiCristina to the podcast. Let's dive in to our conversation.

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Alison: Well, Monica, As we were talking before we started recording, we've known each other online and you're such an encouraging presence online and have such beautiful,  wisdom to offer. It's just really fun to get to meet you finally. So thanks for being here.

Monica:  Thank you so much. It's such an honor and I have loved following you online and I'm just honestly so inspired by you and the way that you carry the different topics you carry all at once, it's really awesome. So it's such an honor to be here.

Alison: Well, thank you. I appreciate that. As fellow therapists, there's a lot we surf and to try to figure out how to surf that publicly sometimes is. . .

Monica: It's not easy. That's right. Yeah. I love the way you do it.

Alison: Well, I would love to start with you the way you start in the book a little bit with your own story, as much as you feel so inclined to share. Monica, you share in the book about the importance of naming our pain and, and you get us there through sharing with us your experience of having some pretty significant pain as a sexual abuse, correct?

Monica: Yeah, I would say sexual violations, in my early years. Mm-hmm. Outside of the home.

Alison: Outside of your home—you had a sexual violation that led to years of what you call scary thoughts, intrusive thoughts, how would you label it, sort of trauma induced OCD, like thoughts.

Monica:  Yeah. Yeah. So, as you know, as a therapist, when you experience early violations, what I concluded, and maybe listeners can relate to this, that I was bad. Something was wrong with me, and I walked around like that for years without knowing why I felt so bad.

I didn't know that what had happened to me wasn't my fault. I didn't know what the name for it was. And so walking around with that and hitting adolescents and hearing other things going on in family history or in the world, I developed a pretty intense anxiety disorder, which specifically like you said, I would say was trauma induced OCD, and a lot of us think about OCD, like washing your hands or things like that. I didn't struggle with that. I struggled with something that's even more shameful to talk about for so many people, which is intrusive thoughts, which is scary, violent thoughts that just assaulted my brain and I had no idea what was happening.

You know—no one's talking about this at a sleepover. My parents loved me and they wanted to care for me. They just thought what is happening and just, you know, told me not to worry. They did their best. Right. As many parents of my generation did. It was just a different time in mental health.

Alison: Yeah, so you were telling them about these did after a while.

Monica: Yeah. I was so desperate, you know, that I got over the embarrassment and over the shame and told them and, and nobody knew what to do with it. Nobody knew what was going on with me.

Alison: Yeah, I, and I hear this from friends, from clients, it's not uncommon that when you've been through something, your body registers as traumatic and you don't know how to process it, that your thoughts just start grabbing onto things. You describe it like "it was like living in a horror movie. When these thoughts start to play through your mind, imagine the worst thought that has ever popped into your mind. And then imagine it never goes away, but repeats on a loop and grows limbs." You know, it just takes on a life of its own. And this was most of your teen years and into college that this was happening to you?

Monica: Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. And like many people, I put on a good front, you know, I white knuckled my way through performing, through making good grades, through going to college, but. All the while I was literally caving in inside, desperate to figure out what was wrong. And so I, I started going to any source that I knew.

And it was right around that time that I found my faith , and started going to alter calls or to any pastor that would listen and any, um, small group or leader that would listen and confessing all of these scary thoughts that was happening. And you can imagine even people who wanted to help, might've thought, what's going on? Right?

Alison: It's so interesting that you use that word confessing, as if you felt like you were doing something wrong.

Monica: I did. And that's one of the reasons why I'm so passionate about mental health and about naming pain is because I didn't know any different. Now, of course, I know different, this is decades ago now, but I didn't know any different then.

And I think a lot of people think they are their thoughts—they are their depression, they are their anxiety. They do feel the need to sort of fess up to it or, you know, confess it when it's, really isn't something you're doing wrong, it's something that's happening in you or to you.

Alison: So let's talk about what happened. Cause this went on for a while, where you're trying to get help through "confessing." You I go see a pastor.

Monica: Yeah, I did.  I was 16 years old, so I'm driving and I went to see this pastor who was kind enough to meet with me, you know, and, and, I think at a precaution for meeting with a young girl by himself, he left the door open with the secretary across the hall. It was evening time, and as I began to tell him, you know, this is what I'm struggling with.

This is what's going on. I have all these scary thoughts and I'm worried about it. I feel like I'm bad. He shushed me the really loud SHHH. As an adult now, I know he was trying to protect me, I think. I think he was trying to protect me from the secretary overhearing what I was talking to him about.

But the experience in my body was a magnification of the shame I was already feeling, which was sh this is. This is not something you wanna tell people. This is not something you wanna talk about. And he had no idea what to do with me either and sent me on my way. He was kind, I think he did the best he could, but he sent me on my way.

Alison: It's such an interesting - the way that you described that, right? That his intentions may well have been noble. And even then you call it—and you and I share this emphasis on naming— there's a misnaming there that this is something  to keep quiet. This is something shameful that contributed to what was already the shame already festering inside of you.

Monica: That's right. You know, even if your story is nothing like mine, if you're trying to get help with something and you run into someone who doesn't understand what's going on, doesn't have the name for it, you often leave feeling more ashamed.

Alison: A hundred percent. It's one of the reasons it's hard for me sometimes—this emphasis on healing happens in relationships, which I know is true. And also when we're reaching out for support, so often when we're struggling with something like you're describing, even the best of people, let alone the worst of people who are actually trying to shame us, which also happens, even the best of people can mishear us, miss-see us, misname what's happening and, and that's not always reliable. It's tricky, especially when you're young and you're trying to figure it out and you're trying to figure out who to trust and you definitely don't trust yourself. It's really tricky. So you, you go on to say you had a friend, I think it's in college?

Monica: Yeah. .

Alison: This is really where it gets interesting, you were very persevering, Monica, in your story, and you'd been telling this friend and she didn't know how to help you, but maybe part of her genius was she knew what she didn't know and she kept trying, right? She kept trying to help you find someone who could help you. So tell us how that played out.

Monica: Yeah, I mean, before I tell that story, I really want to add to what you said that part of her genius was she knew what she didn't know. This is one of the best ways we can love one another is when we are willing to admit our limitations. We are willing to say to someone. I don't know what's happening.

I don't know how to help you, but I care about you and I'm gonna stick with you until you find out what it is. And that is life changing in relationship, right?

Alison: A hundred percent.  I'm not sure but I'm gonna stick with you. Whether you're a pastor, whether you're a parent, whether you're a friend. Whether you're a therapist. We're then not moving into the misnaming. We're saying, I'm with you. We don't have to get it right.

Monica: That's right. Yes. And so this dear friend, took me to go see our pastor, that we were going to this, church in college and you know, the church as many church plants are, was still meeting in a trailer, you know, so it was this sort of gravel parking lot and we're walking up and the squeaky door and this tiny little space that we're sitting down and.

We began to spill my story our working theory was that maybe these thoughts weren't mine. Maybe they were something spiritual happening. And this pastor just kind of leaned back, you know, in his chair. And I know that he wasn't sitting above us, but that's what it felt like. I, you know, like he was sitting above us and, and began to preach down that no.

There's no way, and what felt like condemned me to sole ownership of these thoughts. Now, of course, these are my thoughts. I've learned more about anxiety disorders, but what was the most difficult about that is there was no curiosity. There was no compassion. He didn't look at these two young women and say.

Are you okay? Do you need help? Can I help you find some help? He gave us a sermon instead about what he believed, and we walked back to her little car in the parking lot. And as I had felt before, I felt even more shame in even more alone. The, the more times we go to people who aren't willing to say, I don't know, but I care and I'm gonna help you find out, the more it stacks that we start to feel, gosh, maybe I am the problem.

Alison: He was shooting down your working theory, that it was spiritual and instead where was he locating the problem?

Monica: He was locating the problem as—he didn't say sin, but it was as a me problem. There was an implication of that.

Alison: Okay, so again, you're perseverant, I mean, I was amazed reading this. I'm like, my goodness, at some point I  would've probably, just locked this up behind a brick wall and not told anybody for another 15 years. You kept seeking out—What is happening? It's in the part of your personality. I imagine there are times that part of you might. . .

Monica: Wear me out! (laughs) Yeah. Gosh, I feel so seen by you saying that. Thank you. You know, it was, I think sometimes when we're hurting, even if we run into walls over and over again, we're just so desperate and, and what I believed about my faith, I believed God wanted to help me. I believed that, you know, I really did.

That's part of. What gave me the courage to keep going and to keep looking for help was 'cause the God that I had met, cared. The God that I had met, I knew wanted to help me, but I just couldn't find that help yet.

AD BREAK

Alison: Amen. I love that you knew this was not of God. Even as the shame was building, even as the frustration and confusion was building. Your story feels a little bit like a Indigo Girl song. "I went to the pastor, I went to the preacher, I went to the this, I went to that. . ." I'm just trying to find some answers, right? And so you have a breakthrough moment and this is another friend, a different friend.

Monica: Yes. Thank goodness for college friends. Yeah. So I had another friend who had a father that was a psychologist and this friend was brilliant and, just seemed mystified at, at what I would have to talk to her father about. I wasn't as close to her, so I didn't unload my story to her like I did to my roommate, but I just said, "I think I'd really like to see your father." And she helped set it up., Again, it was a different time—therapy was not as common. It wasn't as de-stigmatized. It definitely was not as spoken about in the church. And so I went to see her dad. And the basement of a Baptist church.

He was a psychologist that had a whole practice there, which now as a practicing therapist, is fascinating to look back and think about. And I remember when he called my name in the little waiting room and I walked around, I was terrified. Keep in mind, I've been running into shame over and over again, running into people who had no idea what was wrong with me, and he just wasn't scared.

And he wasn't shocked and he really normalized my story. He gave names to it. He told me that what had happened as a little girl, of course, wasn't my fault. He taught me about anxiety. He taught me that a thought is just a thought. He taught me about all these things that suddenly what had been the terrifying narrative I'd been believing about myself. Turned out had names, turned out it made perfect sense and I wasn't as bad, quote unquote in that shameful way as I had feared I'd had some hard things happen. I definitely was struggling with an anxiety disorder, but that all had names and made sense, and the relief of that was life changing.

Alison: It's so powerful. This is the name of your book, right? Your Pain Has a Name.

Monica: That's right.

Alison: So talk to us a little bit about that. Why is that movement from no name from chaos into, "oh my gosh, this is what it is." I write about this and I Shouldn't Feel this Way, this naming, This is what it is. Oh my gosh. Even when it's a hard diagnosis but it's like, I, what is it about that, in that moment that felt so freeing to you?

Monica: It is the exhale and the relief of understanding yourself. And in that exhale and relief, you're able, at least in my experience, and I've seen this with clients, to separate yourself from the stories you've been believing. And you can't do that until you accurately name something, right?

You have to remember, I was walking around believing, I'm bad and I'm terrible, and these thoughts are really me and really come from my motivations, right? But being able to name that all the sudden, all those scary stories I thought about myself weren't true. And I think that when we're able to define, put boundaries around identify pain, then we're really able to understand it, to separate our true identity from it and to find what we need to feel better.

Alison: It's so true. It really is. It's Dan Siegel's work in interpersonal neurobiology of "naming is taming". It really is. There's something about it that goes, okay, I now can figure out what to do with this. And in your case, Monica, it seems like it led you into a whole new path, including your current work.

Monica:  Yeah, absolutely. It was so transformative for me to meet with that psychologist, Dr. Barnes, that I thought if I can do anything in my life, it would be to help bring people relief. Like he brought me relief. He didn't solve what had happened to me. He's, it's not a magic wand, but he helped me name it and so.

That is when I decided to become a therapist was that early on in my early twenties, I wanna help people who don't know what's wrong. I wanna help people who feel stuck.

Alison: And there is a name for that experience that you had with them. You talk about it in the book, it's called a corrective emotional experience. It's a great word, but it is again, a helpful naming of a positive thing that happens. What's happening in that corrective emotional experience?

Monica: Yes. It's a good therapy term that we use a lot, which just means that you're having an experience that almost redeems and repairs previous ones, you know, so that instead of going to him and getting dismissed, I went to him and I found answers, and I found also normalization and acceptance and knowledge.

And so a corrective emotional experience can be something like that, or can be something relationally where something, that didn't feel good had happened before, and then you have a similar experience and it feels so much better. It feels healing.

Alison: Yeah, because you'd had all those other examples of going to a male expert authority and having a really painful experience. And I've had those in my own life in different areas, not just in therapy where someone kind of undoes the pain of the past through just one moment. And and it is a little bit of the, "I'm not crazy" what was happening over there was not okay. And my body was reacting to it because it wasn't okay.

And now that this has happened, and this is what I so long for, what I do believe is true and good and healing, and what actually is what I needed, oh my gosh, I'm not crazy. And I wasn't crazy for feeling that way. And now this reveals to me that, "oh, this is what I needed all along. This is what I hoped for all along." It's very powerful.

Monica: It can be transformative and it has an element of validation. You know, where someone sees you and someone sees what you've been through and someone has enough experience, wisdom or knowledge to name what you've been going through with you or for you, right?

And that there's that relief. Gosh, I'm not crazy

Therefore it's not in me.

Alison: I want to Monica, switch gears for just a second into some questions I have for you as an expert, as a therapist, specifically about the nature of your intrusive thoughts. Because I it's not that uncommon. Now, a full blown diagnosis of OCD is a very different thing. We did a whole episode on that with, therapist Ryan Kuja, who talked us through a lot of that. You can go back and listen to that episode, for those of you who are interested.

There's different forms though, of intrusive thoughts, especially if there's been a wound, especially if there's been a trauma that's gone unnamed. It is one of the ways that at times our brain will kind of cue us to: Something's happened. It's like a little kid just desperate to get your attention in those thoughts.

But it's very disruptive and very disorienting if you don't know what that is. Could you share with us a little bit from your expertise about how you understand what was happening in, in your mind and, and in the minds of clients who deal with this?

Monica: You know, the official term that we would use is ego, dystonic, intrusive thoughts, ego dystonic means it goes against your values, it goes against who you are, what you want, what you believe. And when you have these sort of intrusive thoughts that are fueled by an anxiety disorder or fueled by trauma. They often are ego dystonic in nature, meaning that there's something that would scare you or, or that you would never do in real life. But until you know that it's just a thought and it's part of that anxiety sort and and actually loops on itself, and it grows.

The more you fear it, the more it grows. You think, oh my gosh, what am I capable of? What's wrong with me? And, you know, one of the places that we see this as in perinatal mood disorders, right? When new mothers struggle with an ego dystonic, intrusive thoughts, where they struggle with images of their baby getting hurt or them hurting their baby. Now, they don't wanna do that. That's not real. But until they know that this is something the brain can do. It's not you, it's not your heart.

Alison: And you're not going to act on it.

Monica: No, in fact, quite the opposite. That's the irony about ego, dystonic intrusive thoughts is that it's quite the opposite. It attacks exactly what you wouldn't do, but you can imagine anyone, whether it's a new mom or a teenager or someone who has a scary thought and doesn't have OCD thinking, oh my gosh. What does this mean? What does this mean? That I had this scary thought and it's really important to identify and to name a thought is just a thought.

It actually is something that flew through your brain. It's neurotransmitters going through, but it's not what you wanna do. It's not the same as values or motivation or who you are. It's just a thought.

AD BREAK

Alison: I love the examples you're giving where it can become in the form of something I might do to someone else to cause harm. In my experience, it can also happen in the form of and maybe this is more in the realm of flashbulb memories, this might be a little bit different, but where you're getting the intrusive thoughts of something really awful that's happened to you or something that could happen

Monica: Yeah, and I think that there's definitely a Venn diagram there of unwanted thoughts, and it's intruding and it's scary, but there's a difference there where it, it is almost like a memory or a fear that that comes in that form of the thought, whereas more the OCD style is - It's almost more random. Do you know what I mean? It's not attached necessarily to a memory, a painful event.

Alison: But in your case, the intrusive thoughts were to some degree connected to the traumatic event.

Monica: Yeah, and I think that that's an important distinction. I think that what we don't talk enough about with trauma is, when it's, undiagnosed, how it just proliferates into a bunch of different symptoms. And I think that was what was happening for me is that I did have these events that happened early on.

I concluded these things about myself that I was bad or it was all my fault or something was wrong with me. That is what my, scary thoughts fed on oh gosh, there is something wrong with you. And then I would have a scary thought. Well, that confirms it. And then I'd have another scary thought.

And so it definitely was tied for me to that. But there are incidents for sure of people having, intrusive thoughts or scary thoughts that don't have a trauma history. Right. Anxiety is a very multifaceted thing.

Alison: That's right. Well, and your example of, postnatal, is a great example of actually something wonderful has happened the chemistry of the body is just doing such that it's just creating these thoughts that are really outta nowhere.

Monica: That's right. They come outta nowhere, and that's part of what's scary about those kind of thoughts is that oftentimes people have never had them before and they don't know what to do with them.

Alison: So I love this naming of scary thoughts. For the listener who  had experiences of that particular naming of this ego, dystonic OCD, or this scary thoughts, how would you encourage them?

Monica: I would first encourage them by normalizing it. If you look at the research, it is remarkable how common this is. So one of the scariest, most shameful part is that. Oh my gosh, something's wrong with me. No one else has ever felt this or thought this, and I've got news for you: They certainly have, and so many of them have, myself included. So I would first just normalize it.

And second is part of the lie that comes with that is that there's something wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you. Your brain is firing in ways that is creating some suffering and fear for you, but there's nothing actually wrong with you.

And then the third is that. You're not your thoughts. I mean, if I told you right now to think about pink elephants, well, I bet you just thought about a pink elephant, right? It's just a thought and it's really important and freeing once you begin to separate yourself from those thoughts.

Alison: And my guess is if you're someone who struggles with that, there's a flip side of that sort of creative thought process that is also very enlivening. Me bringing my sort of IFS lens to it—there's a part of you that kind of can come up with these dark, intrusive thoughts that is not wanted. Also, my guess is there's a flip side to that.

Monica: Yes, uh, this is anecdotal, so it's not research based, but anecdotally, my experience with people that struggle with anxiety or, scary thoughts are often so creative. They often have incredible imaginations. Right. And it is, it is like the flip side of that.

Alison: So, to broaden this conversation out, tell us a little bit about what you're hoping to do with the book with Your Pain Has a Name.

Monica: Yeah, you know, I start the book with my story to kind of, as we would say, go first, right? To to let you know you're not the only one who's had something or felt embarrassed about something. And we can talk about hard things and we can name them, but it isn't a book about OCD or intrusive thoughts.

It's really a book about pain. And I have found that so much of the research we read, the amazing books we read are really naming things and, and it's so important to name things because once we begin to name what hurts or doesn't feel good, we're already.

Three steps closer to separating ourselves from that pain or from the false stories it's told about us, right? Because you, your pain might be a critical upbringing, right? Where it was never good enough,  you were never good enough, and you've walked around carrying the ghost of that all your life and being able to name that pain.

Accurately is gonna be a really important step for you, getting free from that and remembering or returning to who you actually are. So my hope is really to help people as they name their pain, to be able to come closer to who God made them to be. You know, pain often gets us very lost and especially when it's undefined once we define it, we can find our way back home.

Alison: Yeah. I just love that, that naming what's trauma, naming what's upbringing, and even to the point of some of my work, which is naming a part, naming an inner critic. This is actually an inner critic at this point. That can be part of the journey. At points naming what is spiritual, right. Sometimes it is; a lot of times it's not. And you do a great job of that in the book too, we both talk a lot about this thing of spiritual bypassing where we realize things that are not in fact spiritual. So it's a false naming, and at the same time, sometimes it is a spiritual root. And so naming is a really— It takes some skill. It takes some work. And that's what I love about your story that you shared in the book that permeates and is showcased in your ongoing expertise - it takes some grit, it does take a little bit of perseverance to get the right name. I wish sometimes it was easier.

Monica: I wish it was too. And as I was writing the book, I thought, is this gonna be marketable? Because I really try to honor the grit and, the, how long it can take to find names for your pain. I even say at the end of the book, I may not have named it, but this is one more step where you're learning to name it. And, and I think it's important to note too, that some of the pains we name. Can't be healed. They have to be weathered and honored, like grief, There's grief, there's big grief that we can all recognize and understand as grief, but people are often also carrying grief about relationships or, um, not being where they wanna be in their life.

And it's helpful to name that, not to solve it, but to honor it.

Alison: You know what else? Even just as we're talking, it occurs to me, there's a certain naming, and I hope this is encouraging to the listener who's like I, I haven't been able to figure it out. There's a certain normalizing of saying, you're in process. You don't have the right name yet, and that can feel very disorienting. I don't know why I'm feeling the way that I'm feeling, or I don't know why this doesn't seem to be working, but even just naming that.

Monica: Yes. I just couldn't agree with you more.  I could just celebrate that because it's so true. And I think that we live in a fast culture. And I love social media with all the therapy things, and I participate in it, but there's a lot of before and after, there's a lot of fast fixes.

There's a lot of: "Three steps to your best self," and the reality is it's not always that easy, and it's important for people to know they're not alone in that there's nothing wrong with them. And this to be a gentle reminder to keep going.

Alison: I'm gonna find that person at some point or that moment

Monica: Or that book.

Alison: That's so true that breakthrough of, "oh, this is what's going on for me." Monica. What would you say to that younger you now?

Monica: Such a great question. I would say there's nothing wrong with you. You know, some hard things happened. Your pain is real. You're struggling, but there's nothing wrong with you. That scary old story that you've carried around, that you're somehow other or there's something wrong with you, just was never true, you know?

And you're okay. And you're gonna be okay. That's what I would tell her. Or anyone who can relate to that listening.

Alison: I love that. And what's bringing out the best of you right now?

Monica: I would say honestly it is walking my dogs. It is so therapeutic for me. You know, the bilateral stimulation of walking, but also the fresh air and it makes them so happy, which makes me happy and it  in a busy life and a lot happening everywhere.

It feels like my exhale, it feels like. Time away. So I would say that that is definitely bringing out the best of me right

Alison: That's beautiful. I love I that. I concur - I have two dogs too. And it is, it is just a highlight. Tell my listeners where they can find your brand new book - this is your first book - find your work, find all the things that you're doing.

Monica: You can find me on Instagram. It's @Monicadicristina and dicristina has no h—it's a common, a common thing I run into, or my website is monicadicristina.com and there you can find links to my Substack, which is my favorite place to share, just longer form than Instagram. The book is Your Pain Has a Name and it's everywhere that books are offered. And it'll be out May 13th.

Alison: That's awesome. I'm so grateful for you. I'm so grateful for your work, for taking your own pain and transforming it into healing resources for others. It's so important. It's such beautiful work. You're the real deal. Just a beautiful presence. So smart. It's such a great book and just thrilled to have gotten this chance to connect with you today.

Monica: Thank you so much. I just admire your work and you create such a safe space in this podcast and just in everything you, put out in the world. So thank you. Thanks for having me.

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