A Game-Changing Toolkit to Help Kids Conquer Worry and Build Courage
Episode Notes
The world has changed, and raising kids now requires a new kind of courage.
In this encouraging yet practical episode, Dr. Alison is joined by counselors and best-selling authors Sissy Goff and David Thomas of Daystar Counseling in Nashville. Together, they discuss why anxiety is showing up earlier and more intensely in children, and how parents can respond with both empathy and practical tools.
Sissy and David share creative ways they’re helping kids build courage, resilience, self-control, and perspective. From therapy dogs and illustrated children’s books to powerful stories from their counseling practice, Sissy and David deliver hopeful reminders that your calm matters, and practical strategies can help your kids step into the world with more confidence.
This episode explores:
- Why childhood anxiety is rising, and how it looks different in boys and girls
- The surprising ways technology impacts emotional health
- The unintended consequence of overprotective parenting
- Practical tools that help kids develop resilience, risk-taking, and healthy coping
- When to seek counseling for your child
This episode is a hopeful reminder: Kids don’t need a perfect parent. They need a present one who believes in their courage and helps them practice it.
For More from David and Sissy:
check out their website, https://www.raisingboysandgirls.com and pre-order the DayStar Dogs books here:
📚Pippa Learns to Share the Spotlight: A Lesson About Jealousy
📚Happy Finds Her Calm: A Lesson in Self-Control
📥 Grab your 3 free Boundaries For Your Soul resources here:
📥 Download Alison’s free printable with the five boundary tools when you sign up for her weekly email.
Here are some other episodes you might like :
Episode 65: Vulnerability, Parenting, and Letting Go of Control
Episode 85: The Goal of a Healthy Family & 6 Roles We Take On In Dysfunction
💬 Got a question? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a message for a future episode.
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Music by Andy Luiten
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Transcript
Hey everyone, and welcome back to this week’s episode of The Best of You.
Today we’re diving into a topic I know so many of you are navigating—how to help our kids develop real courage and resilience in an anxious world.
We touched on this theme last week with Trey Tucker, who works primarily with Gen Z young adults. And today, we’re going to look at the same concern a little earlier in life—through the lens of children and families.
In this conversation, you’ll hear:
- A simple way to become the “calm your child can catch,” even when you’re stressed.
- Why anxiety in kids often looks like anger, control, or distraction—and what to do in the moment.
- How to decide when it’s time to consult a professional (and how to frame counseling as part of your child’s care team).
- Two kid-friendly tools you can try tonight to right-size big feelings and build brave muscles over time.
We’ll also talk about an amazing new resource for kids that uses stories to teach emotional skills in a playful, shame-free way. It’s creative, evidence-informed, and honestly…fun.
All right—let’s get to it.
Alison Cook: Today I am joined by two voices most of you already know and love they are counselors and best -selling authors Sissy Goff and David Thomas. Together they have helped thousands, is it probably more than thousands, of families through their work at Daystar Counseling in Nashville, their best -selling books and their top -ranked raising boys and girls podcast. If you're not subscribed to it, go hit the subscribe button because they are doing such good work to help parents. They are now,
I'm so excited to have them now. They are bringing that same wisdom to kids through a brand new illustrated series called the Daystar Dogs, which I love. These stories feature their, we'll get into it more in the episode today, but their stories feature therapy dogs, Lucy, Owen, Happy, and Pippa. And here's the thing that think is so cool and listen to these qualities, these emotional skills that they're going to help your kids with. Courage, resilience, self -control, and jealousy.
That's just four of them. I mean, do we all need help trying to empower our kids through courage, resilience, self control and jealousy. I am so thrilled to welcome David and Sissy Goff to the podcast today. Thanks for being here. We are always so delighted to be with you and honored to get to have this time.
David Thomas: Any time our paths intersect with you it's a good good day. It's always it's so fun
Alison Cook: We got to do it live sometime. That's the only thing we haven't been able to like I need to we need to get down there. Well I am so excited to launch into this. I kind of, because we're sort of back to school, we're sending kids out. Let's touch on this kind of anxiety word that's everywhere. We're talking about how kids are more anxious. There's actually a recent CDC study that's talking about how anxiety is actually raising in younger and younger kids. What are some of your top tips for parents to help their younger kids develop more courage and resilience, especially as we're thinking about them heading back into the school year.
Sissy Goff: Well, you just said this on our podcast and we are so team Allison on this that the very best thing you can do as a parent is to do your own work. And so we were talking about the very idea that just like anxiety ripples over onto the kids we love so does calm and so does the reminder that we can live in both spaces that we can feel anxious and nervous and worried and we can still do hard things that it's both things and so we felt like there was not much that speaks to the heart of kids with those kind of messages like a dog and that's why we'll talk more about that I'm sure but that's why the dogs are communicating the message but
I do think for parents it is so easy and in fact talking about research research says the two most common parenting strategies in light of anxiety are escape and avoidance so we see our kids in distress and it feels like good parenting to pull them out of that distress and In fact, that communicates the message, which we're not intending to, but it communicates the message, yeah, you can't do this without me.
You are dependent on me. You can't do hard things, which is never what we're trying to communicate, but it's what is translated. And so when a parent can say, can hold both things of, of course you have big feelings that this feels scary and you know what? You are so much capable than you have any idea. There is so much courage, not that you have to rise up to, but there is so muc courage that God put inside of you already.
Alison Cook: That's so good. That's so good. So much more is caught than taught in a way they catch our own sense of belief in them. Why do you think dogs are so helpful? I mean, I love my dogs. We were talking about this. We all kind of love our dogs. But why do you think there's such helpful kind of tools for or why do you think there's such helpful illustrations for teaching children how to navigate their own heart emotions?
David Thomas: It was for us a really easy decision and a natural progression. We currently have six therapy dogs on staff in our practice and so a lot of doodles. We do. We love doodles and we talk about how much work they do that makes our job 10 times easier, you know, how many kids and adolescents have walked into this space feeling nervous, fearful, overwhelmed about that first appointment. Any parent who's taken a child you love to counseling for any of us who've gone ourselves, that first appointment can feel somewhat overwhelming and it's amazing how often we have seen kids settle early into the experience just impeding the dog, just in talking about their own dog. We're starting our conversation right there and telling a story about a dog they love and how often we have seen evidence of kids telling more than I think they ever plan to tell in the company of a dog. And so because they do so much of the great work and the teaching in our space, it felt like this natural extension of what we do that the dogs would lead in terms of teaching these emotional skills that we felt were so important. - There's something so safe about dogs. -
Alison Cook: Yeah, that's beautiful. -
Sissy Goff: Well, and I will tell you the reason we started having dogs, so my first dog as an adult was a little Maltese named Noelle, and there were some people working at my house one day and I couldn't leave her home, so I called our dear friend and boss Melissa and said, "Could I bring Noelle to work for and she said to her and so that day, you know, we have all had this experience and I was sitting with an adolescent girl who told me she wanted to take her own life. And so I called her mother, had her mother come to the office and I needed to go sit with her mom and tell her what she had said to me. And so I left Noelle with this teenage girl and went and talked to her mom. And when I came back, Noelle was in the girl's lap licking her tears and she just intuitively knew Noelle just knew she needed to lean in with this girl and and that afternoon I called Melissa and told her the story and she said bring that dog every day and so now sweet little Noelle has this legacy of all these dogs that are such an important part of our work and so many parents will bring their kids the first time to counseling and say the only reason I got my child to agree to come is 'cause y’'all had dogs. - Which we love.
Alison Cook: I love it, I love it, that's beautiful. I wanna get into a little bit, how you're seeing some of these different things show up differently in boys and girls. It's one of the things I love about your work and your partnership. Before we get there, I wanna ask a question I hear so often from parents, and that is, how do I know when It's time to take my child to therapy?
David Thomas: such a great question. It is and we hear it often as well And we would say two things to that first we'd say to parents if If things are inquestion if you feel uncertain about that decision we always believe it's a great call to Consult with your pediatrician Come in and meet yourself with a therapist first and just ask questions because it may be that We do a lot of what we call parent consultations in our work where we may just give Parents a to -do list and leaving of some things for them to try at home That could be as much support is as needed in that season or in that conversation We might hear evidence of youknow, I think it would be beneficial to go ahead and jump start this process So I think a consultation is just a good, safe place to begin, whether that's with your pediatrician, whether that's with someone who does the work like we do, so that we're making sure we're giving the right amount of support. Not too little, not too much. Secondly, we would say we certainly want to watch for evidence of where something with the kids we love might feel problematic or difficult versus debilitating. So think, for example, you've got a kid who is sometimes teary on the way to school and feels really nervous about walking in the building. That's super common for a high percentage of kids, particularly in the first few weeks of the start of school. We're not overly concerned about kids who are teary on the ride to school, maybe even hesitant walking in but can find their way in the building and teachers report are settling in and experiencing learning and friendships and all those things, we're worried about the kids who can't get in the building, who, it's not just a tummy ache, they're throwing up before they leave the house, or it requires an administrator to come out to the parking lot and help get them into the building, that it's become so debilitating, it's difficult for them to experience the normal and good things we want kids to experience of learning and relationships. And so That's maybe a way to think on a concern you might carry for a child or out of lesson you love. Is it problematic or is it debilitating? Is it getting in the way of life for them? Because we don't want to wait until it's getting in the way of life and it's snowballed to that place.
Sissy Goff: I love that. I think my favorite story ever, and I can't remember if I've told you this before, but we had a mom come in once and she said that her daughter was pushing back and we see so many families who the kids don't want to come the first time. And we will say to parents, if you can get them to the building, every counselor who works with kids has convinced a kid to come in the building before. That's fine. But this mom was saying how her daughter was pushing back and she said, why do I have to go mom?
And this brilliant mom said, honey, my job as your parent is to build your team. And we
have people on your medical team who are your doctors and we have people who are on your academic team that are your educators of course I'm gonna have people on your emotional team and they're gonna be your counselors and so we may not go for six months we may go a few times just so you have a person so that when something does come up you can say hey mom I'd like to go see Sissy again and then we just you have a relationship and we just step right back into that place I just thought what a beautiful way to describe that to a child. Isn't that awesome?
Alison Cook: Wow, I love that. It's, I'm wanting to tell my listeners, they need to go listen to our conversation that we're gonna have on your podcast because talk about a secure, safe place that you're creating for your kids. That's so beautiful. What a great way to kind of normalize that team around our children that this is normal. That's so helpful. I love it.
That's so practical. If you're worried, do a consultation. Talk to your doctor. Talk to a therapist. Ask them. Get some benchmarks for what might, but I love the normalization of, this is just a part of our team, you know? That's beautiful. That's so helpful. All right, so I wanna talk a little bit about how have you yourself in your practice in your work how are you seeing anxiety manifest itself in younger girls in particular?
Sissy Goff: Well I would say I mean a lot of the parents I see of younger girls the girls are typically the firstborn not always but so much of the time and I believe the primary coping strategy for them. In lieu of any other healthy coping strategies becomes control, which I think any of us who are first born can say that continues through adulthood. But I think for a lot of these girls, they don't yet have the words or the understanding to say, "Hey, Mom, it makes me feel anxious when you change my schedule and I don't have any input," or when I don't know what's coming. And So they start to feel things in their body and then they lock down on, "I thought this was supposed to happen," or all of a sudden they just have a lot of anger or a lot of big feelings and get very rigid and very demanding even in what they expect and what they think should happen next. And I even see it happen in kids over birthday gifts or Christmas gifts that they can get really rigid about something they think they want and for a parent it feels like entitlement but really it's more about control and so I think with I mean we know all behaviors
communication from kids and so anytime there are big feelings I want parents to really track okay what are the patterns when are we seeing this come up what are the circumstances around it and is it about control and rigidity because when it is I think often anxiety is driving that train rather than just pure anger or entitlement. So that's one I really wanna pay attention to with younger girls.
Alison Cook: How are you seeing anxiety show up in young boys?
David Thomas: It's interesting to hear you answer Sissy in the way you did because if I were to assign two words that I think best reflect what it looks like on young boys, I would say anger and control. And it's often a rigidity and inflexibility resistance to trying anything new.
Interestingly enough, I see a lot of first born boys who struggle in this space.
That's not to say there aren't plenty of seconds and thirds I've seen who struggle
in that space, but a high percentage of first born boys who are also high
achieving, high performing, highly successful academically, athletically in a lot of
those spaces. So I think it's two sides of the same coin so often. They're doing
amazing things in the world and putting an overwhelming amount of pressure on
themselves simultaneously. So I would say those two in particular, but one other
interesting piece to note, I think with boys, young boys in particular,
is that I think anxiety can masquerade as the symptomology of ADHD because I think
when boys are carrying a lot of excess worry and fear it takes up a lot of
cognitive real estate so they often look distracted and inattentive under focused and
so really bright boys who are missing some basic instructions that again from an
outside view could just look like classic ADHD but as we dig underneath it's some
anxiety that's feeding and feeling it, it's just taking up so much brain space that
if we can clear out that anxiety, often we see less evidence of what looks like
true attention hurdles.
Alison Cook: How have you guys in all your years of working with young
boys and girls, how have you seen anxiety change in how it shows up or what influences it.
David Thomas: Oh, that's a great question. I do think we're seeing it show up younger and younger.
And I mean, there are so many things that we could talk about that are really
influencing it. I mean, certainly technology. We know that. We know that from
Jonathan Haidt's work. And I think that is not just I think we tend to think
that's social media but it's also just the amount of images that are changing I
mean if you're to watch a new show even for kids from today versus something from
the 70s when we were growing up the amount of I don't even I'm not a filmmaker in
any way so I don't know how to describe this in a way accurately but the
- It happens so fast.
Alison Cook: Yeah, interesting.
Sissy Goff: And I remember a psychiatrist we were
working with over a teenage girl in tandem, and she said to me, just the
stimulation that's happening when a child watches a screen now is mimicking an
anxious state in their minds, in their brains. - Interesting, wow. - And so it's not
just once they hit social media age, it can be bluey stages too. And so I think
want to pay close attention to that obviously but I think I would be so curious
Allison in your work what you would say to this but I think we're seeing more and
more parents who are doing this really good important work of as we've been talking
about today healing from their own stories and in doing that I think they're
overcompensating sometimes for what they missed And so they are doing this beautiful
job of hearing and understanding their kids, being attuned to their kids emotionally
and not necessarily arming their kids to do the important work of stepping into the
hard things with coping strategies. So it's more like we're hearing them and
understanding them and holding space for their emotions, But then we're not equipping
them to walk out into the world and to know that they can do these things.
Alison Cook: That leads me that the Owen learns he has what it takes book,
right, which is focusing on resilience. And how do you see a need for resilience
showing up?
David Thomas: I would say I think there is an overwhelming need.
Because for all the opportunity that exists for kids and adolescents in this day and
time, we see all the evidence of them feeling less equipped, less capable than ever.
And if I were to think about how that looks uniquely with boys, Allison,
it's fascinating for me to have done this work for 30 years at, look back at
shifts and the evidence of things being really different and I'm not just fascinated
but deeply concerned about currently the number of boys turning 16 who have little
to no interest in getting a driver's license. Where I saw no evidence
of that on the front side of my work. Like I'd have to think back to if I ever
encountered an adolescent young man that didn't want to pursue that, or wasn't even
chomping at the bits to do that, and seeing less and less evidence of that now.
They don't really wanna pursue the independence and the opportunity because, we'll
talk about this word a lot, it involves risk to move into that space, to study for
the test, to take the test, and maybe fail the test and have to take it again.
And alongside that, I'm seeing fewer adolescent boys than ever who are interested in
getting a part -time job interested in asking to a homecoming dance and how that
graduates up to less interested than ever and the statistics reflect this to apply
to college you know there's been a significant shift in the number of boys applying
to the undergrad students and that's not to say every young man's journey is to
pursue a four -year education. But it is to say, I don't want him to close the
door on that opportunity simply because he's had so little practice in the place of
risk. And if I were to scale that down to the elementary age years, I'm seeing
fewer boys than ever who are interested in being a part of a team.
- You know, dipping back into what Sissy talked about with G, you know, content to
just be home playing video games, content to only have conversations with friends
when I have a headset on, as opposed to going to a birthday party and having human
interaction. Because again, all those things involve risk. It's risky to join a team.
It's risky to ask a girl to a dance. It's risky to apply to college. And I'm
seeing greater evidence than ever of boys moving away from risk, which is why the
Owen book felt so important to begin to address that on the front side of
development.
Alison Cook: It's so interesting. So this is just listening to tie that to
resilience, right, the risk -taking. And this is my anecdotal take on this.
I'm curious, is, you know, I feel like the way that we were parented, where there
was sort of that almost living, you know, seen and not heard, right? And so we
sort of learned resilience the rough and tumble way, like we couldn't wait to get
our driver's licenses, right? And then there was sort of a correction
toward parents being more attuned, parents being more present. But it almost-- and
this is a too simplistic way to say it, but almost feels like an overcorrection. Is
that-- Yes. OK, yes. Yeah, right? You're both nodding your head and stronger.
There's a there's a both and there right there's a both and that is so necessary
in being a present parent it's it's not gosh okay that is just so interesting so
okay so let's talk about these books so in Owen that I'm curious about this link
so in Owen learns he has what it takes there's a feelings chart so why is this
feelings chart so Important for these young boys in particular as as you're wanting
them to develop these risk -taking muscles this Resilience.
David Thomas: Yeah Well, I think it starts with if I can't name my experience, you know, it's back to the wisdom of naming and taming I can't tame anything that I can't name. I can't Figure
out what it looks like to our conversation to take a risk if I can't accurately
Identify the fear that's getting in the way of me taking the risk and so I think
It hope was that just that might be an invitation to kids and parents doing more of
that connecting of the dots. In addition to, you know, Owen's story is really about
how that fear started to get in the way of him doing some of the very things he
wanted to do. Yeah. In addition to his work with me here in my practice at
Daystar, we did some volunteering at our local Children's Hospital and on the very
first visit after months and months of training this dog to be a therapy dog We
show up for our first visit and we're in the hallway outside of the first room
with this Adorable little guy who's sitting on his bed in the hospital room and I'm
so excited to walk in and begin the work and Owen is Paralysed like he is in a
sit position, I cannot get him in the room, and all of a sudden I start to
realize he's overwhelmed by a lot of new things he's not yet encountered, you know,
the white coats and the noises and sirens going off from the machines in the
hallway and people pushing carts up and down and there was a lot of stimulation
going on around him and it got in the way, it triggered some fear and so all of
a sudden he's not wanting to step forward into this room and missing this incredible
opportunity this little boy who wants to be with him and who I think needed that
visit and Owen needed to be with this boy and so I literally had to pick the 70
pound dog up and carry him into the room and put him on the bed so that he could
have this great encounter and Alison and I have to tell you and I may cry as I'm
telling you the story Sissy and I had a parent write us a letter that we just got
at Daystar and she'd been reading the Lucy and Owen books to her daughter who's
preschool age and she was reading them running up to the beginning of the school
year because her daughter historically has a lot of trouble the first couple weeks
of school and separating out which is super common for a lot of kids and sure
enough on day one they showed up at school. Despite a warm up where she got to
meet her teacher and her mom was really hopeful it might go a little differently
this time on day one she was just clean to her mom crying so hard and the teacher
motion to the mom that she could come on in and sit with her for a few minutes
in the classroom hopefully in a way that would settle her and she said I was
sitting in the floor with her and kind of combing her back and hair and she
whispered and her mom's ear she said you know, sometimes Owen's dad had to carry
him in the room too when he felt scared and I wept reading that letter and
thinking about that was everything the two of us hoped would happen with these books
is that it would be the beginnings of kids making those connections and even if she
could, you know, say through that experience, "I'm afraid right now." And so that
was everything we could have hoped might might happen with writing these books and
being able to press in on the front side of development.
Alison Cook: That's beautiful. Yeah, where meet kids right where they are.
Okay, so then we have Lucy learns to be brave, which is such a great title.
I love this for girls. So you include in this book a thermometer chart for children
to fill in. So how does this tool help our young ones be brave?
SIssy Goff: Well, we talk often about how more kids than ever,
if we were going to think about emotions on a one to 10 scale, more kids and
earlier than ever are going to 10. There's not a sense of two to four or two to
five. So And older ones have expressed it well to me. They don't say,
I feel nervous. They say, I have anxiety. They don't say, I feel sad. They say,
I'm depressed. I had a mom, I think it was probably three years ago now who said
to me for the first time, and now I'm hearing this phrase all the time. But she
said, I think my seventh grade daughter has rejection sensitivity dysphoria. - Oh boy.
- And yes, exactly. And I tried to say this one.
wanting to help at an early age kids learn to have a sense of perspective and to
have a sense of I mean Lucy my little dog who I adored that I had for 15 years
for her one of her biggest fears was hiccups the first time I ever got the hiccups
in front of her I was counseling a mom and Lucy ended up trying to climb on top
of this woman's head to get away from me because she was shaking and so terrified
of the hiccups and so I use that in the book as an example of let's you know
let's make a two a two and let's make a six a six and a hiccup as a two and a
six is maybe you know something scary happening in your family and nine is certainly
that and so I think helping them have that sense of perspective early on can really
be a game changer for kids and it's so funny, Allison, because I literally have
not, this is so, I think how God works often, but I have not thought about that
book in the context I'm about to attach it to until we have this conversation
earlier with you about attachment and I think the Lucy book is largely about
attachment because it's the sense of discovering how very loved you are by by the
grownups in your life, by God, means you are safe to go out and explore the world.
- Yes. - And within that context, a two becomes a two. - Yes. - And a five is a
five. - Yes. - And so that is exactly what the Lucy book is about. That when she
discovers how much I love her, she's safe to do these hard, scary things.
Alison Cook: Oh, that's so good, and that's so empowering. As a child, you begin to trust that inner sense of, you know, this is how, I remember as our kids got older, we would ask
them, is it, you know, feeling anxious or feeling, is it small, medium, or big? And
then as they got older, they could say it's small. They could self -reflect in a
way that's like, and it's small, you know, it's like, I'm fine, I can go to
school. But, and there was that ongoing trust of if it's big, I'm gonna do
something different, but is it small and you're kind of helping, I love the
thermometer metaphor in that, in that idea of helping them at a very young age,
understand those distinctions. Okay, so you've got two more books coming out. These are coming out in November.
And I want to know, I mean, listen to these titles, Happy Finds Her Calm, and
Pippa learns to share the spotlight. So we're looking at self -control and jealousy.
What led you to land on those two key topics for these next two books?
Sissy Goff: We had so much fun writing these two books. I think we both cried writing the Lucy
and Owen books because they were dogs we adored in that we have lost since then.
But happy and Pippa we giggled our way through both of those books and I'll talk
about Pippa will you talk about happy. So Pippa is a big sister who loves the
spotlight. She's actually an only child, only dog, who loves the spotlight and she's
wearing a tutu and she's doing all the things and everybody is so attentive to
everything she does. And then she finds out she's gonna have this baby sister and
Pippa, for the first time, starts to really struggle with jealousy. And that is a
universal experience. And I have not come across any books that I really loved that
could help older siblings. I mean, certainly there are books that talk about that,
but we start to talk about emotions as colors and how it's not one or the other,
it's both so much of the time. And I can love my younger sibling and I can feel
fear about that too. And sometimes the fear can morph even into anger.
And so Pippa's jealousy comes out as anger. And so helping kids start to tease
those apart and understand how all of these different emotions live inside of us.
Just that idea of naming it helps sustain it. So good. And so Pippa learns to,
at the end, her little sister's in a two -two -two and they're in the birthday
parade together, which is so much fun for both of them.
Alison Cook: I love that. That's great.
David Thomas: And with happy we really did laugh our way through the writing of both these books.
In fact at one point we were having so much fun we said our editor we may never
write another book for grown -ups. This is so enjoyable. But our hope within that
was that parents and kids were gonna laugh together too as they read these stories
because we both believe that Laughing and learning can happen side by side. We
always say that to parents. Like when we're talking around some harder things, let's
laugh together too. Let's laugh at ourselves. Let's laugh with the kids we love. And
we talked a little earlier about how the lack or lacking the skills to regulate can
get in the way sometimes of attention and focus, just as fear can. But one of the
things we also talk about within the happy book is how the other thing it can get
away get in the way of is reading the room and missing some cues and so happy has
a lot of moments where she's too much for her friends and not finding her calm is
getting in the way of relationships but one of the other things that I hope happens
in this book in the discovery is that we would love if a lot of parents might be
willing to Purchase a copy of this book for a teacher that you love because Happy's
teacher is the real hero of this story. Happy gets to therapy dog school That's
where it takes place and her teacher is just a rock star and all the different
ways that she helps her Strategize at school that spills over into home So that
these things aren't getting in the way of all of what she's wanting to accomplish
build relationships have friends, enjoy school. So our hope is that a lot of
teachers feel really seen and encouraged through this story as well. - And Happy's
teacher, by the way, is named Cat with a K, based off of the teacher that we've
both used for our therapy dogs.
Alison Cook: I love that. I love that. I love the whole
collaborative approach you take, even in the stories and your work, it's reflective
of your work with teachers and parents and counselors and you know it just it's all
you know I love how that's reflected in the story right there's all sorts of folks
kind of coming alongside our kids who can be empowered to help them grow and
together you know if we look at this series we've got courage resilience self
-control and jealousy so how do addressing how do we when our kids are addressing
these four sort of core areas. How is that creating a foundation for emotional
health? What does that look like when our kids, you know, when we're really looking
at our kids and we're kind of, you know, we've got our own inner critics aside and
we've got our own perfectionism aside and we're like, you know, I think my child is
doing all right. You know, I think they're, you know, how do we kind of gauge that
in our kids against these these these four kind of topics that you're helping us
engage with.
Sissy Goff: That's a great question and I I think it is so fun for them to be
described through children's books because we are we would guess that the majority of
readers are not reading themselves but their parents are reading to them. Yeah. And
so the fact that it is creating connection and conversation as they're reading and
hopefully talking about these very issues together I think is gives the parent an
opportunity to do some empathy work, to do some modeling of these things,
to learn to ask questions. We have we have not only a therapeutic tool in each
book but we have conversation starters with kids so if that feels hard to know
where to start but I think to everything that we've been talking about I think the
idea that a child is learning to say this is what's happening inside of me yeah
this is what's happening inside of me this is why I feel it and here's what I can
do about it yeah and Sometimes what I can do is just like your kids, I feel all
this, but yeah, it really is small. Or I know, I love in the Owen book that it's
the analogy is Owen wanted to step backwards, but he learned to step forwards.
That I can feel these things, I can understand them, and I can still step forward
into purpose, into meaning, into connection with other people into whatever is in
front of me. That is an opportunity to grow and to learn.
David Thomas: And I think the only thing that I would add to that is I love the quote from
Frederick Douglass that says, "It's easier to build strong children than to repair
broken men." I think there's incredible wisdom in those words and I think it excites
the two of us to think about building these skills into the youngest of kids that
they would be practicing in these ways that they would be having these kind of
conversations with it with their parents and laying this foundation on this side of
development and I was thinking just as you were asking that question Allison I will
never forget a couple of years ago I was leading a group of second through with
great boys and one of the boys came to group that week and his parents over the
weekend had told he and his sister that they were getting a divorce and he was
reporting that to this little group of second and third grade boys and he started
crying his little voice cracked he started crying telling it and there was another
little boy who a year before had navigated that exact same transition and as this
little guy was trying to tell the group about what had happened. This other little
boy who lived that already started scooting closer and closer him. I don't think he
even knew that it was happening to where by the time the little boy finished his
reporting he was almost touching knee to knee and looked at this little guy and
said I remember when it happened to me and I promise you're gonna be okay. It
doesn't feel like that right now like I watch this beautiful interaction happen
between two elementary -aged boys and I had this thought midway through it thinking I
cannot even imagine the two of you as adult men like I started thinking 30 years
down the road and thinking to be practicing these things right now practicing empathy
practicing active listening practicing all these different emotional skills on the
front side how that's gonna inform who you are as men in the world, how it's gonna
shape your own marriages, how it's gonna flow out into your own experience of
parenting, so I think it's just that great reminder of the earlier we can teach
these skills, the more we can practice these skills on the front side of
development, I think it can be game changing for kids in their future relationships.
Alison Cook: I love it. I love, and I love the introduction, because I can even imagine as a
parent being, you know, if your kids struggling with something, you've read this book
and you're like, let's remember Owen, you know, Owen is, you know, or let's, you
know, what would Lucy, you know, that you're, you're, you've kind of got that, it
kind of removes the shame or, you know, it kind of brings in a playful to your
point, a playful way to kind of bring back those ideas and to help empower your
kids. I love it. You guys are doing so much good in the world to help parents
build these Strong kids. Are there other projects you have coming down the pipeline
that you can kind of tease for us or get us excited about? I know you guys are
always working on some some great projects
Sissy Goff: We definitely are always working on whatever we feel like the need is that's coming up with parents and kids We're seeing and and out of this concern about Anxiety out of this concern about the lack of resilience and to David's point, boys that are not getting their driver's license, I would say girls who are reaching out socially less than ever before, afraid to try and make friends. There just has been a almost, I mean, I think debilitating experience is probably too strong, but to some degree that feels true that kids are
not being, not only who, I think the grownups who love them know they can,
but what brings more confidence for them? They're not stepping into those places. And
so we just have become increasingly concerned about that. So there might just be
something for parents that really speaks to how to help your kids discover strengths,
skills, and strategies practically in their daily life no matter how old they are,
no matter what situation they're in that help them discover how capable they truly
are.
Alison Cook: I love that what you're doing is coming out of your lived experience on the
ground working with kids and parents. You're in the trenches, you're seeing, oh this
is what's going on, this is what needs addressing, and then you're creating resources
to reach so many people. It's so amazing. I'm so grateful. You too. Tell my listeners where they can find you and find the series and learn more about
your work and upcoming projects that you'll have too.
David Thomas: One way is we have a podcast called Raising Boys and Girls. We are just launching a season called Parenting Personalities. We're gonna talk about birth order,
extroversion, introversion, how the Enneagram informs parenting and attachment.
We just had an amazing guest, Dr. Allison Cook, and we want you to end for that
episode.
Alison Cook: That sounds like a great series.
David Thomas: RaisingBoysandGirls .com always is where you can find everything we're doing. And we also, on Instagram, @RaisingBoysandGirls in Sissy Goff are just trying to help in all
the ways, parents, kids, all the Thanks. - That's amazing. Well, we will link to
everything in the show notes. I'm so grateful that you're creating these resources.
Such a beautiful way to steward the talents and just the incredible work that you're
doing on the ground to help kids. So, so grateful for you both.
Thank you for your time.
So grateful, my gosh. - Thank you, Alison.
Thank you for joining me for this week's episode of The Best of You. It would
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