The Truth About Venting, Numbing, and Finding Real Relief - Science-Backed Tools to Actually Restore Your Brain and Body

What if what keeps you going is also keeping you stuck?

Does venting actually help, or is it actually making you feel worse?

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This powerful, hope-filled conversation might just change your entire approach to rest—it did for me. Cognitive psychologist and neuroscientist Dr. Therese Huston joins me for a conversation that’s incredibly helpful for anyone feeling overwhelmed, emotionally drained, or stuck in numbing patterns. I’m not exaggerating when I say it is a game-changer.

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If you’ve been feeling off-center, burned out, or unsure how to truly rest, this episode will meet you with both compassion and science-backed tools to help you reset—even when you don’t have much time.

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We cover:

• The surprising truth about venting—and why it may not be helping
• Why certain “breaks” leave you more drained
• How to reset your brain in less than five minutes (yes, really)
• Simple, science-backed techniques to calm your nervous system
• Why numbing behaviors (like mindless snacking, scrolling, or binging TV) can feel good—but keep you stuck
• Two powerful on-air practices you can do right along with us
  
  

This is not about productivity hacks. It’s about reclaiming your peace and tending to your soul—so you can show up as the person you want to be, no matter what your day looks like.

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📘 Check out Sharp: 14 Simple Ways to Improve Your Life with Brain Science by Dr. Therese Huston 

📥 Grab your 3 free Boundaries For Your Soul resources here: 

📥 Download Alison’s free printable with the five boundary tools when you sign up for her weekly email.

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Here are some other episodes you might like :

Episode 132 : 3 Strategies for Managing Overwhelm and Emotional Stress in the Sandwich Generation

Episode 80: Navigating Overwhelming Emotions

Episode 146: The Difference Between Escape & Relief with Annie F. Downs

📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here

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💬 Got a question? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a message for a future episode.

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Editing by Giulia Hjort

Sound engineering by Kelly Kramarik

Music by Andy Luiten

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍

© 2025 Alison Cook. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Please do not copy or share the contents of this webpage or transcript without permission from the author.

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Transcript:

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Alison Cook: Hey everyone, and welcome back to this week's episode of The Best of You. I'm so glad you're here with me this week. This is one of my favorite episodes, and the reason is it literally changed the trajectory of my summer,and I don't say that lightly.

The truth is I've been quietly working on a new book these past few months, and this one has been more personal than anything I've written before. It's really different than the books I've written in the past, and I'll share more with you about it later. It’s hard for me to come out from behind being a little bit more of the expert and be a little bit more vulnerable about some of the pain points and some of the wounds and some of the stories from my own life. 

And I had just turned in a rough draft of the manuscript the day before I was scheduled to record this podcast interview, and I was almost wanting to reschedule it, but I didn't wanna be unprofessional, but [00:01:00] the truth is I was tired mentally, emotionally, and physically, and over the last few weeks as I was kind of facing down the end of this deadline of getting this rough draft, and I had really started self-soothing in some old familiar ways that I haven't turned to a long time.

Binging reality television, reaching for sugar, ice cream. All the things I know aren't actually helping me feel restored, but that were just kind of old ways of trying to self-soothe and,

 And so I woke up the morning of the interview knowing to myself, I've gotta shift. I've gotta figure out how to get back into healthier habits. I don't wanna stay in this place. And I found myself literally asking, but how do I reset?

How do I come back? To center, especially when I still have so much to do and I, I don't wanna continue down this path, just muscling my way through and then checking out. I, I wanna get back to [00:02:00] a better place, a better way of working, and I'm not sure how to do that. And then this very day I recorded this conversation that I'm gonna share with you with Dr.Therese Houston. And I'm telling you the exercises she walks me through.

At the end of this episode, they only took maybe two minutes and it shifted something deep inside of me. Dr. Therese Houston is a cognitive psychologist and neuroscientist at Seattle University, and she's the author of a brand new book, it's called Sharp: 14 Simple Ways to Improve Your Life With Brain Science.

She's written for the New York Times Time, Harvard Business Review and more, and she has an incredible gift for making science both practical and deeply compassionate. In this conversation, we explore what kind of rest your brain actually needs. especially when a full day off isn't an option.

We talk about the kinds of breaks [00:03:00] that truly restore your energy, focus and presence. And which habits, like mindless scrolling or emotional eating, the ones I was turning to, can quietly drain you even more. And toward the end of the episode, Dr. Houston walks me through 

 two simple realtime exercises. I do them on air, and you could do them right along with us. And I am not exaggerating when I say I felt like I had just had. A massage, my whole body relaxed. My mind softened, and something shifted deep inside. This is not about a productivity hack.

It's about giving your soul space to breathe 

so that you can come home to yourself and return to your day, whether you're parenting, whether you're working, no matter what you're doing, a better version of yourself. If you've been feeling overwhelmed, depleted, if you've found yourself numbing out more than usual or just slightly off center, this episode [00:04:00] will 

 meet you right where you need to be met. I am thrilled to bring you my conversation with Dr. Therese Houston.

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Alison Cook: Therese, I'm so thrilled to meet you and to have this conversation with you. You've got such an amazing body of research and expertise that I'm thrilled to dive into today, especially with this new book. Can you just share with us a little bit about yourself and your background? What exactly it is that you do and how, what led you to

Therese Huston: Oh, thank you so much, Alison. It is such a treat to be here. You have such a warm and helpful show. I, I think this is a resource more people need to know about. Well, I am a cognitive psychologist by training, not, cognitive behavioral therapy, but I'm a scientist. Uh, I spent a lot of time in the lab, so I have my PhD as well as I've done postdoctoral work in clinical cognitive neuroscience.

So really focusing on the brain [00:05:00] and then. In a a what probably seems like a strange detour. I also got a degree at the business school at University of Oxford, so that was a lot of fun and really provides a nice compliment to like learning about how to be a good leader as well as taking a scientific perspective on, on the brain and how to take better care of ourselves and be sharper.

You know, be as mentally sharp as we can be. And what led me to this particular work, this book, sharp, is that, uh, I don't know about you, but during the peak of the pandemic, I found myself so drawn into the news cycle I'd go to sit. Down at my desk to work and instead of getting into my work, I would check the newsfeed and, you know,do we have a vaccine yet, or do you know what's, what's the status on, on in my neighborhood?

You know, what are the rates in, in my local area of COVID? Anyway, I got, I developed some really bad habits in terms of not getting focused. The way I used to. And so I needed some strategies for myself [00:06:00] to improve, my ability to focus. And since I've got a neuroscience background, I looked, does neuroscience have any tips on how to get better focused?

And sure enough, there was some great research out there that I'd never seen and that made me curious about, oh, are there tips for improving memory? Are there strategies for being more creative? Or, you know, all from neuroscience perspective is what I. As the filter I was using, and sure enough, there's so much helpful stuff.

I, I realized I need to share this because if it's helping me, it can help other people.

Alison Cook: I am so excited. This is so timely because I think with the last election cycle similarly and just with social media in general, many of us get into that habit of, and I've seen it in myself. I've been working on some writing myself these last few months, and I'm just aware, I'm like, oh my. focus, I can tell, has, has changed.

And and you know, and I can go down the self shame cycle of what's wrong with me and beating myself up, but [00:07:00] the reality is something real is happening in our brains and there are real. Ways to reset and renew and refocus. And so when I saw this book, I was just so excited to have you on.

I wanna say one other thing -  you're an actual neuroscientist

Therese Huston: am, I, I, I've, done work in the lab and with patients and, um, done research on testosterone levels. So I am a real neuroscientist.

Alison Cook:You know, it's very trendy in many ways right now to say neuroscience

Therese Huston: right? Yes.

Alison Cook: What does that really mean? I, I think sometimes that's misused, but you are the person who's actually behind what we mean you, and you know many others, but [00:08:00] I mean, it's a very specific field. It's a very specific kind of study. So what do we mean when we say neuroscience?

Therese Huston: Such a great question and I'm glad you asked because all too often I'll, see a popular article in a popular magazine that says it's gonna talk about brain science or neuroscience, and then they don't talk about neuroscience at all. And I'm like, well, that's really good psychology research, which is very important.

We, we should be paying attention to that. But it's not about the brain or about the nervous system, right? So for it to qualify as neuroscience, there should be some mention of either a specific brain area, or something in the body that relates to the nervous system. So that might be talking about 

 dopamine levels, like neurotransmitter levels, cortisol levels, oxytocin, which is a hormone that can affect your thinking as well as how you feel. So if it's talking about something that's biological, right, and it might even be a term you've never heard before, like the anterior cingulate cortex.

If, if it sound like, I don't know what that is. [00:09:00] That's part of the brain. And so that would be neuroscience. Whereas if it's just talking about, for instance emotion regulation, deeply important and so much great psychology research there. But for it to be qualified as neuroscientific research, there'd be mention of a specific brain area or mention of, serotonin, something that's specific to the physiology.

Alison Cook: I love it. So 

 as such, you're studying not just cognitive, as the our thoughts, our thinking life. You're studying how that works in our

Therese Huston: Exactly, and what's exciting are. I started doing research in cognitive neuroscience in the mid nineties, and what's been exciting to see change is, in the nineties, we were only focused on things like, uh, how does attention work? And now we've gotten to a point where we can start to talk about.

Well, what happens when you're creative, right? What happens in the brain when a person's being creative versus when they're stuck in a rut? what happens when a person is feeling emotionally triggered? And so [00:10:00] there are so many things that we now know, we're beginning to understand what's happening in the brain.

There's so many things like we, we, we still need to move into the direction of what is the neuroscience of. Feeling connected to God. We don't know that yet. you know, that's, there are so many new areas. I know we will get there. We're not quite there yet, but we're moving in the right direction to understand so many more experiences through how the brain functions.

Alison Cook: Well, I, I love this and on behalf of many of my listeners, many of us, including myself, grew up in faith traditions that in many ways have created. Incredible resources, spiritual resources on one hand. And also there have been some misunderstandings of the biology of the brain where certain thought patterns, certain habits, certain behavioral styles, have been categorized as wrong or sinful, when in fact brain [00:11:00] science is now helping us understand.

This is just the way your brain is working. Doesn't mean maybe we like it, but it also takes away this stigma. And so I just wanna thank you for your work and your research. I think it's so freeing for so many people to really understand the brain and the mind and the nervous system. It's complicated and it's easy to.

Beat ourselves up and blame ourselves for certain ways that we behave, when in fact our brains and our nervous systems are just doing what they know how to do. And you're gonna give me

Therese Huston: Yeah, it's very true. I, I just had a recent conversation on a podcast about the neuroscience of bias, and that's a really fascinating area where, you know, we might judge other people for being biased and feel like we're not biased ourselves, but there are so many ways that. In-group favoritism is automatic and we have to fight it, right?

So it's really interesting. I, I do think that [00:12:00] we're often hard on ourselves around things that we don't want to see in ourselves or we don't wanna see in others. the good news is these things aren't inevitable. the hard part is, is that we need to educate ourselves as to, okay, I'm gonna fall into that pattern.

For instance, maybe I fall into a pattern of, of venting to people when I'm really, that's not productive for me, but I, I can't think of another way. 'cause I just need, it feels like I'm blowing off steam, but after I vent, I don't feel any better. Right. So it's really helpful to find out, oh, well we're, we're learning enough through neuroscience that we can find out what's a better way to spend that break instead of just venting to your colleagues or venting to your partner.

Alison Cook: Amazing. You just, okay. Teed us

Therese Huston: Oh,

Alison Cook: perfectly. 'cause this is what I wanna get into. Okay. So let's talk about breaks, right? We're, let's just, let's start there. I wanna get to sleep, but I wanna start right where we are with breaks, we. Going through the day, we've got a million things to do. Maybe we're parenting, maybe we're [00:13:00] at work.

Maybe we have 16 things on our to-do list and we're exhausted. and I've just been living this Therese, I've just been living this. I'm like, I know there's probably a choice I could make right now that would

Therese Huston: Mm. Mm-hmm.

Alison Cook: me, but what I really wanna do is eat a candy bar. is you know, scroll.

On TikTok, you know, I mean, which I recently discovered. I never understood it before. Now I'm like, I get it. I get why? It just is crack for the brain. I'm doing the very things I know enough not know this is not actually helping me, but it does feel like a hit of relief in

Therese Huston: It does. It does. And so what's tricky here is that we need to think there are things that are cognitively restorative. So there are things that can make it easier for you to make decisions easier for you to concentrate and focus. So that would, those would be cognitive [00:14:00] resets.

There are things that can help you emotionally reset so that you feel you can come in and be more patient or be in a better mood or help someone even when you're tired, OR lead even when you're tired. So that would be emotional reset. then there are unfortunately things that just make us numb, right?

Things that just.

Alison Cook: Mm-hmm.

Therese Huston: Help us get out of the moment. And there are times when you need to, and you probably know this from your own work, is there are times when we need psychological detachment. We need to be able to get some distance from whatever's upsetting, right? But if it's just for the purpose of numbing, so you mentioned candy bars.

For me it's ice cream. Okay. that's a break that I will sometimes take that it starts off as feeling so good and then it was like, uh, yeah. That, that is not helping me reengage with what I need to reengage with. So I think a really nice question to ask yourself after taking. A break, whether that's a, snack break or a scrolling break [00:15:00] or, You know, you take a walk or you do some jumping jacks, right? But after you you've treated yourself to some kind of break. Ask yourself, do I feel more ready to blank? Do I feel more ready to focus, to lead, to help? Or do I just feel like I've kind of checked out 

It's okay to check out some of the time, but if, if all of your breaks are just helping you check out, it's not doing that cognitive reset or that emotional reset that's going to to, to help you show up in the way you wanna show up.

Alison Cook: Sometimes it's healthy to get detachment. Like the, the times when I think that it's helpful to get detachment. I, when I think of a work context, there's just been an announcement of huge.

Therese Huston: Reorganization that's taking place and you're gonna report to someone you don't know or don't like, like you're like, you need a little distance from this because otherwise it's just gonna be a bad day all around. And all your colleagues are on the Slack channel or talking and they're all upset and you just need to push away a little bit.

That would be a time when you'd need some detachment. 

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AD BREAK I

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Alison Cook: I notice sometimes I will put on a podcast, maybe I'm cooking dinner, and I'll think to myself, I don't wanna listen to the news,

Therese Huston: Yes.

Alison Cook: but I will make myself, because I feel like I should know what's going on in the news.

What I really wanna do is listen to a comedian and are you saying that there's maybe something legitimate there?

Therese Huston: absolutely. So. in terms of, giving yourself a cognitive break or an emotional break, either one of those, those cognitive or emotional resets, there is so much legitimacy to, it needs to be something for the cognitive reset. It needs to be something that doesn't require your focus. Right. it's not taking effort for you to focus, right?

So reading a novel is something that actually stokes imagination, but it doesn't take, unless it's a novel you aren't enjoying and you're [00:17:00] just reading it for your book club, right? But if, as long as it's a novel that you're like, I can't wait to get back to my book, right? for me, it's mystery novels.

If it, if it's enticing, right? It's the thing that if anything, you're having to say, oh, I can only read for 10 minutes. That would be something that's going to help you both cognitively reset. It'll actually improve your. Um, what's something called the default mode network will become activated, and that's something that often gets suppressed when we're overly focused.

And having the default mode network activated is, is helpful in terms of feeling restored. So, so reading a novel as long as it's a fun novel for you, that that helps with the cognitive reset and also the emotional reset people experience. there's actually a study from 2009 that found that.

Just six minutes and that's all it took was six minutes of reading. A fun book decreased, perceived stress levels by 68%. That's huge, right? So short, right? Six minutes. You don't have to have a half an hour. You don't have to be on a beach. Or in my case, the hammock in the backyard, [00:18:00] six minutes. And it was more effective than walking.

It was more effective than listening to music. So in terms of if you need a stress reduction technique, you know, grab a book. What I do is I actually set a timer for me. I'll give myself 10 minutes, but I'll set a timer so that I don't, I'm not thinking like, oh crap, I need to get back to the thing.

Instead, I just set a timer.

Alison Cook: that is so helpful because when we're talking about what are actually restorative breaks. Versus kind of our, our go-to ice cream or sugar scrolling, which isn't giving us that restoration. Am I, am I correct in

Therese Huston: Yes. And we can, we can talk more about the pros and cons of scrolling, but chances are, it's not giving you a cognitive or an emotional reset. Yeah.

Alison Cook: Okay, so, I, this is very interesting to me. So I'm gonna say a couple of things and then we'll try to 'cause in my mind, and it's a little bit like eating our vegetables in my mind, I know. I'm like taking a walk, taking deep breaths. let's put it this way, when I've been [00:19:00] off game, I, I can think, oh, I should do those things, but they're not, it's like eating vegetables when you've been having a lot of sugar.

It's,,it's a big, big leap. It's hard to get there when you've been kind of on a bender, right? So lower hanging fruit, to me that might be a little bit like, you just said it, a novel. Music I heard you say like, then parts of me start to go, oh, that actually sounds enjoyable. Not just like jumping to vegetables, but maybe like a intermediary.

And so I think I'm hearing you saying there are many ways, some of them are enjoyable, but in this category of things that are going to be truly restorative.

Therese Huston: it absolutely does, and it's fascinating. So. Reading a novel, like I said, for as little as six minutes. Another good one that that might feel like it's a juicy, guilty pleasure is listening to music that gives you chills. So this is important. So you don't just wanna turn on [00:20:00] Pandora or Spotify and listen to, you know, some station that's, that's the top 40, right?

You don't wanna do that. What you wanna do is what's the song that when you listen to it, you get chills? Okay? Like where it gives you goosebumps. Um, for me right now, there's a song by Buzi that I really like that when I listen to it, I just like perk up and I just feel like I wanna move with it, right?

So what researchers have found is that, When you feel those chills, you're getting a dopamine hit and it's a good kind of, so there's, you know, people can talk about us being addicted to dopamine, but dopamine when, especially if you're feeling tired or depleted from caring or leading, when you get that dopamine hit, you will feel re-energized and you'll feel like you have more motivation to dive back into whatever is hard.

you can kind of make your own little dopamine playlist of like, what are the songs that give me chills? Doesn't matter if no one else likes 'em, but it does it for me. And then have that available, you know, on your phone or whatever device so that when you [00:21:00] need, or in your car have the cd, you know, already installed and ready to go hit that song.

And. Even if you just sit in your driveway and listen to it for three minutes, you, you can then be like, alright, I can, woo. I feel so much better. And, and even if you move right or if you're on TikTok you mentioned, you know, it's so easy to, to be critical of, of, of teenagers who are like, oh, they just wanna watch the dance moves.

Try them actually moving motion, if that's fun for you. Fabulous. No one needs to see it. You don't need to record yourself.

Alison Cook: Right. You don't have to fill

Therese Huston: Exactly. movement really helps shake off stress and reduce cortisol levels.

Alison Cook: Okay, so it's, it's as if science is validating that inner impulse, and I'm thinking about the Grey's Anatomy phenomenon, and I, I think Sandra o actually did this at, uh, she was the commencement speaker at my alma mater and she had everybody do a dance moment that dance it out, is actually helping you, it's actually doing something in your brain and nervousness.[00:22:00] 

Therese Huston: Yeah. Well, it's really interesting because, so, in broad strokes, we have a, two different nervous systems. We have a sympathetic nervous system, which is a strange name, but it basically is the fight or flight part of your nervous system. The, like, I'm gonna push hard, I've gotta try hard.

And there's the parasympathetic nervous system, which is the rest and digest system. It's the calming down. And what's interesting is about. Dance is, it actually helps activate, it does many things to the brain as well, but it actually can help activate the parasympathetic nerve system. And when you think about it, you wouldn't dance if you were about to have to flee a scary animal, right?

That right. And so, you would, you would dance when you're relaxed, right? And so it's basically giving your body a signal like, Hey, we're relaxed right now. And so You're sending a signal through your body, up to your brain, like, Hey, everything's okay right now.

Alison Cook: Oh wow. And that gives your body some restoration. It, it actually, physiologically, uh. It's [00:23:00] such a bottom up to use the language of psychology hack and I'm such a head in my head person, and so it's telling yourself

Therese Huston: I'm okay. Yes.

Alison Cook: through your

Therese Huston: right. And we can talk about some other techniques where your body can signal to your brain, Hey, we're okay. but dance is kind of a fun one. and if it's, if dance isn't your thing, don't, don't put yourself under that pressure. But if that's something that like, oh, I can take a dance break and that would help me reengage and perform better the rest of the day.

Yes, please.

Alison Cook: Yep. That is Okay. I wanna, I'm curious because again, there's the things we, and again, there's no shame in this, but are the things we're sort of hardwired or conditioned or, you know, whether it's grabbing a, the food or, the phone.

The other one you mentioned this, that I think some of us do is

to a friend or to a colleague, or to a spouse. What is it about venting It [00:24:00] can feel good in the moment, but that is not actually giving us that restoration. And what would a alternate healthier, more restorative option B.

Therese Huston: Great question. So. I think part of what can feel initially helpful about that venting is particularly if the other person's really good at validating right then, that then you can feel like, I'm not crazy. This is truly awful, truly stressful, truly too much, right? And so that validation can be helpful.

 unfortunately ti I know I certainly did this with a number of colleagues over the years when we were in the workspace together is, you know, something awful just happened in a meeting. And you go in their office and you close the door and the two of you complain about how awful and awful and awful it is, and then.

And neither of you has come to any solutions. You basically have said this is outside of our control. And the brain loves control, right? So if all, and, and, and they're fabulous research with animals where [00:25:00] they put mice on a treadmill and they make them run. the mouse has the option to run when it wants, or it's forced to run on the little little mouse treadmill.

And when the mouse has the option to run and can control when it runs. Huge health benefits, right? Improved cardiovascular health, improved gut health, but if you force that mouse to run for the exact same amount of time and the same intensity. They'll develop stomach problems, they'll develop cardiovascular problems.

So the exercise actually hurts them when they can't control when they do it, which is fascinating, right? We just think of exercise as helping our bodies, not when you're forced to do it. So the takeaway shouldn't be, you should never exercise. The takeaway should be our bodies crave a sense of control.

So if you're gonna vent to a spouse, to a colleague, even to a friend, After you get past that validation stage, and you can even say What I right need right now is validation, then move into problem solving before you walk away. what's one thing I can do that could make this a little bit better and move, move into [00:26:00] that space.

And that will increase your perception of control. So you'll get the validation as well as you'll get, there is something I can do and you might not be able to change. Let's say it's something at work. You might not be able to change what's happening at work, but you can change your emotional response to it.

 I am going to, not get angry when this happens. Right. I am, I'm instead going to choose compassion or something like that.

Alison Cook: That's so interesting. So, gosh. there's a lot in what you just said. I, think what I hear you saying is the need for validation in and of itself isn't bad and can provide some relief. It's when it just goes negative dumping with no sort of counterbalancing. Okay, what are we gonna do? Sort of proactive. that's a nuance to that. 

Therese Huston: Yeah. And I think we've all been in the situation where someone else will start suggesting solutions and we don't see them as solutions that would work for us, right? So for instance, I have a, a [00:27:00] family member who's having some financial problems and I hear other family members saying, just talk to the bank or just do this, and this person will not take any of those routes.

And I know this is adding stress to his life because he's like, but I'm not gonna do that. Right.

Alison Cook: Right.

Therese Huston: In fact, if anything, it's taking away his sense of control because the solutions that are obvious to everyone else are not clear pathways for him. So, so what's important there is, is to move to the, what could I do that would increase my sense of control?

What, what would be one step that I would be willing to realistically take?

Alison Cook: so let's say I'm venting to a friend or to my sister, but at the end of it, it's really on, there's something about agency, about saying, this was hard, this happened. I'm struggling. I don't need you to solve it. 'cause that also, so, so you're right.

It's, it's the over validation doesn't solve it, but also them trying to fix it. Doesn't solve it, it's here's what's going on. So there's a little bit of [00:28:00] validation there. Okay. That helps me get back into the part of my brain that says, here's my agency in

Therese Huston: yes, very well said.

 you can say even at the beginning of the conversation, like let's say you go to to vent with a colleague or a friend and you say, Hey, I wanna vent first? I wanna hear your venting. And then can we move to problem solving? Like, that would be the most helpful for me because people don't know this.

If they haven't listened to our conversation, they wouldn't know that, that we need to end on problem solving. Right.

Alison Cook: Yes. So you can say,

Therese Huston: yeah, I think that's a very reasonable ask, and the other person's gonna feel better as well. So it's an educational moment that you can provide

Alison Cook: then they know how to help

Therese Huston: Exactly. And people want to, right? Yeah. And, and you probably know the people who only want to vent and don't wanna get to problem solving, right? Those would not be people to, to turn to in those extremely stressful moments.

Alison Cook: Yeah, that's really helpful. Okay, I wanna touch on exercise. You mentioned it with the research on mice, [00:29:00] and I wanna touch on it because I live in a family with others who find a lot of restoration through exercise. So the biggest stress reliever for a couple of my immediate family members is take a jog, work out, go to the gym. That is not what I wanna do when I'm stressed. I, I want to do that to be healthy, but it's not for me the primary way that I feel relief from stress. or restoration. Sometimes a good walk does. 

My question for you is, is what we [00:30:00] need to feel restored, unique? Are we different person to person? Number one, is it possible that for some people exercise is absolutely the thing For others it's not. It doesn't mean we don't need to do it, but we might need to do it for a different reason.

Therese Huston: Brilliantly said, what I encourage here is self experimentation and by that I mean we each need to find what are the breaks that are restorative to us. And you're absolutely right. Things that are restorative for some or not restorative for all. A classic example of that is there's a great finding. For women that a 32nd hug from someone who's safe lowers cortisol levels. That's not true for all women, but it's true on average. 

For most women, it's tends to be less true for men and. What's fascinating is some studies find it helps men. Some [00:31:00] studies find it doesn't, and researchers have kind of scratch their heads and basically what they find is there's just a huge difference among men and it kind of depends on the sample that you get in their research study as to whether you've got men who appreciate a hug and it makes them feel safe and grounded, or men for whom that now just raises questions of like, is this leading somewhere? Is this right? It as opposed to just for women, it seems to increase oxytocin. For men—it can increase other things that are then confusing. 

So researchers have found that 30 seconds of affection from someone else lowers cortisol levels. As long as that person feels safe and touch feels safe for you and so on, especially for women, it's, it's very restorative.

20 seconds is, kind of the tipping point. 30 seconds is even better. This is the thing that my husband and I will often do. we'll be giving each other a hug in the kitchen in the morning, and he'll start to let go. I'll be long. I'll say [00:32:00] longer. Today. I need longer. It's very sweet. 

AD BREAK II

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Therese Huston: Let's try something real quick here. Okay, we're gonna do, a soothing self touch. So some of you might be thinking, I don't have someone to hug Therese. At least not at this point in my life. Some, at least I don't have someone who will withstand a 22nd hug.

So let's try something else that you can do even without a partner. So, um. first of all, I would just like you to rate your stress levels right now, Allison, on a scale of one to 10, where a 10 would be, I'm as stressed as I've ever been, and one is I'm so low stress, I could fall asleep. What, what number would you give it? 

Alison Cook: Five. 

Therese Huston: Okay, there we go. Yeah. Five or six. Good. And that makes sense. We're having a recorded conversation, which, which takes the stress up a little. Alright, great. So now what I want you to do is I want you to take both hands and put them really gently in kind of your heart space, whatever feels like your heart space to you.

And just make some small, gentle, circular motions just soothing little. So like very soft caresses at the amount of pressure that feels good to you. Just, we're just gonna [00:33:00] do that for a few seconds and close your eyes if you want, or you can just keep them open, whatever feels right to you. And just really focus on the warmth of your hands, how that's feeling kind of resonating.

Imagine it kind of flowing through into your chest, into your lungs, into your heart. And if we were gonna do this for the full amount of time, we would do this for 20 or 30 seconds, but we're just gonna do it for about 10 here. Okay. Now you can keep your hands there if you want, but I'd love for you to rate, again, on a scale of one to 10, how do your stress levels feel?

Alison Cook:Three

Therese Huston: Three. Right? It's so nice.

Alison Cook: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Therese Huston: So psychologists would call that soothing self touch. Research shows that what we just did, especially to hold it for 20 to 30 seconds, will actually reduce your cortisol levels on par with a hug from someone else. Now. That's on average. Some people it will be hires. For some it won't work.

But this is a great self experiment to do. Ask [00:34:00] yourself before you try the technique. What's my stress level? And then ask yourself afterwards, what's my stress level now? And to see if it's changed. And if you find that the heart doesn't work. What's nice about the heart is it's if by putting your hands here, you're activating the vagus nerve.

 and the vagus nerve sends signals up and down, up to your brain, down to your heart's, lungs and gut. But by putting your hands on your heart, you're sending. Through your heart, a signal via your vagus nerve up to your brain. It reduces amygdala activity. It also increases activity in your prefrontal cortex.

So should, you should actually be a clearer thinker now than you were before we did that activity.

Alison Cook: more

Therese Huston: Yes. Right. Yeah. And it's, you know, maybe you can't do that in a meeting with your boss, but I've done it. I've done it in line. At a store where the line's not moving and I'm starting to be like, I should just return everything to the shelves and leave just jettison myself.

And I'll be like, you know what? You gotta finish this errand. You gotta do it. You're here. You've already invested the time, and I'll [00:35:00] do that. And I will be so much less stressed about standing in that line.

Alison Cook: that is powerful. I wish we had done that at the beginning of the interview, right? I mean, no, I, I could. That's a really, literally self-soothing exercise. Therese, what are other examples like that of these, especially, I'm thinking of my listeners who are really busy , you know, or maybe have little kids around them. 

Therese Huston: Yes. Right. So that's a nice one too. And you can teach it, especially if you have little ones you're taking care of. You can say, Hey, we're all gonna do a soothing self hug. All right, let's everybody get in their favorite spot. lie down or sit down, you know, get in your favorite cozy chair. We're all gonna do this for 30 seconds.

So you could, you know, that's, that's a fun one. If I can demo another one, another nice. [00:36:00] we're gonna do a, a breathing technique that also activates the vagus nerve and can send a signal again to your amygdala that there's no threat and activate the prefrontal cortex. We'll talk about that more in a second.

So, I'll explain the technique first and then we'll step through it. But here's what I'm gonna ask you to do in a moment. I'll ask you. To exhale all of your air. Not yet, but when a moment, I'll tell you to. And then I'm gonna have you do a slow inhale to a count of five, and I'll do the count out loud.

That's a long, slow inhale. Most of us don't inhale that slowly, so be ready for that. You're gonna hold for two. And then we're gonna exhale for seven, which is again, a very slow exhale. I find most people find that long inhale the hardest. If, if at three you're like, Therese, I've already inhaled all my air.

There's no more that I can take in. Just start holding your breath early. That won't. Affect the impact of this. What's most important is the super slow exhale. So what I recommend here is to purse your lips. So if you're good at slow exhales, you can [00:37:00] just breathe through your nose.

But if that, you think that's gonna be tricky, just breathe like you're blowing out through a straw. Okay? And that can help slow down your breath. And we'll do two cycles. and I'll step you through it. Okay. You ready? Okay, great. So exhale all of your air. And, and we're gonna inhale 2, 3, 4, 5. Hold, two.

Exhale, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Again, inhale, 2, 3, 4, 5. Hold. Two. Exhale. 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Great. So going back to that scale one to 10, where would you be now?

Alison Cook: Oh, well now, probably two.

Therese Huston: Even lower [00:38:00] Wow. Between the two. Yeah. Right. I mean, even just, I, I wasn't just guiding you through it. I feel more relaxed,

Alison Cook: Yeah.

Therese Huston: the important part is just the exhales longer than the inhale. Some people play with like a four eight, where they inhale for four and they exhale for eight.

You can play with what's comfortable for your body, but. The slow exhale, particularly if you do it through purse lips, is activating the vagus nerve, by activating it partially through your throat as well as through your lungs. And again, that's telling the amygdala there's no threat. But the prefrontal cortex researchers have actually found that in the lab because this activates areas of the prefrontal cortex right behind your forehead that are responsible for making hard decisions.

Decision making improves. so not only can you do this when you're stressed out about something in your home life or your work life, you can do this when you're like, I just don't wanna make a decision and I can tell I don't wanna make a decision, do this, and you, you would wanna do it for about two minutes.

We just did 30 seconds. So two cycles is 30 seconds. Eight [00:39:00] cycles of that will be a full two minutes. And researchers find objectively that it's, it's like the murky clouds part and It may still be a hard decision, maybe one you don't wanna make, but you'll have more clarity. Isn't that amazing?

Alison Cook: it's interesting. It's sort of counterintuitive in a way because when we're stressed, when we're worked up, it seems like to me there's a part of us that wants to go harder, wants to push harder. And so there's a counterintuitive thing you're training your nervous system to do, which is, and I think we want that 'cause we wanna get to the other side. And so we're training our nervous system that actually the way to the other side is through the restoration.

Therese Huston: Well said. Yeah. Instead of thinking, I'm gonna power through, think if I don't do something, I'm gonna power down. And if you think that to yourself, it'll be easier to say, [00:40:00] okay, I need to, I need to take a break. for me, I will know that I need to take a break, and maybe it's gonna be a breathing break.

Maybe it's one of the soothing self touch breaks. I'll know that I need to do that if I'm going from calm to irritable in seconds, right? Because that's not my normal mode. If, if I'm getting irritated that quickly, that means that my prefrontal cortex, which. is key for in impulse control is fatigued and so my impulses are taking over.

And so maybe there's a different sign for you, but look for the signs that indicate like, oh, that's my body saying it needs a break, I'm gonna give it one.

Alison Cook: Wow, that, yeah, that's, that's actually a cue. I need a break. And these are two very, Easy, simple that anybody can do. Ways that you are, signaling to your brain that you're caring for it.

Therese Huston: your brain doesn't need long breaks. So often we feel like in order to get a break, we need to go to the spa,[00:41:00] 

Alison Cook: Yes. I was just thinking that.

Therese Huston: take a nap. Yep. You know, I've, I've got my mother-in-law, Gets respite care because she's caring for her husband who has dementia and she, doesn't feel she can get a break unless someone comes to the house for three hours and she can leave, which is too bad because I, you know, she certainly needs those breaks.

I'm not saying she doesn't, but it's, it's too, you know, I hope she listens to your show because they're called micro breaks by psychologists and neuroscientists. A micro break is anywhere from one to 10 minutes and. The kind of breathing breaks, reading a novel, a quick walk break. A break as, as little as a six minute walk has tremendous benefits for reducing cortisol, improving serotonin.

So know that a one to 10 minute break can be all you need to reset.

Alison Cook: That's amazing. So helpful. 

What is the difference between numbing and a true restorative break?

Therese Huston: That one is a great question. And it's tricky because with numbing, what you're doing is There are certain brain areas that need a break. let's say you've been trying really hard to be supportive of someone else, right?

Whether that's at work or at home, you will probably feel emotionally exhausted from having to be patient when you don't feel patient or having to be positive when you don't feel positive anymore, right? So that's emotionally tiring, and that's going to reduce your dopamine levels. It's gonna reduce serotonin levels, uh, and that's, it's called surface acting.you're faking it. 

You feel like you have to do it, and that's emotionally exhausting. And so you could do something numbing like, compulsive [00:44:00] snacking or scrolling on your phone and that's gonna take away in the moment that sense of like, I can't handle this anymore.

However, it's not going to improve your dopamine levels or improve your serotonin levels in order to do that. You need to do one of the things that we've already suggested, so dopamine will go back up. If you listen to music, that gives you chills. For instance, serotonin will go up if you go for a quick nature walk, or if you do the soothing self hug.

That can also help with serotonin and oxytocin levels. So doing something that even though you wouldn't have perhaps thought to turn to it. If it can improve these brain chemicals, you're, you're restoring something that was depleted and now you are going to truly feel like, oh, I can lean back in. a little litmus test that I do is, do I just wanna keep doing that activity?

Chances are it's numbing, right? that might be a nice litmus test where it's like, I don't wanna return to the problem. I just wanna keep the distraction going. That's sign of a bad [00:45:00] distraction. Whereas if you're like, I listened to one song, it would be nice to listen to another song, but you know what?

I can do this. I can go back in 

Alison Cook:  That's so helpful. and sometimes, again, that's why you're saying sometimes we do need that detachment that just, I've gotta distract myself. It's a survival mechanism in a way but it's not actually, I think of an athlete going out for a break. It's like sending that athlete out for a break and giving them, you know, a glass of wine that's not gonna help them get back on the court.

And win the game. They need actual nourishment to be able to re replenish and reset so that they can finish and get back in and finish the game.

Therese Huston: It's a really good distinction. Yeah. Gatorade would be better in that moment than, than wine, right?

Alison Cook: Yeah. But that's kind of with parenting or with work, it's similar. We, we actually wanna give ourselves something so that we can come back and do the hard thing that we wanna wanna do. That's, this is just so helpful.

Therese Huston: And I think a thing for anyone who feels guilty taking breaks. I, you know, I was in a leadership group recently where there was a woman who clearly felt guilty taking breaks and actually got angry at the leader who was facilitating the group, who was suggesting she needed to take more breaks.

I think a way to reframe this for yourself is that you're not stepping away from your responsibilities. You are stepping into the version of yourself that can better handle those

Alison Cook: Hmm. That's good. Yes, you're actually doing yourself and everyone around you a service.

Therese Huston: exactly, exactly. Because we need mantras. We need something to tell ourselves. In that moment, I tell myself, I, you know, you can't pour from an empty cup, which helps. But I really, I really like this idea of I'm not, I'm not stepping away from my responsibilities. I'm stepping into a version of myself that can handle them.

Alison Cook:  I love that.  Tell us about the book, where people can find it, and how you think the book will really provide this kind of relief that people [00:42:00] really need?

Therese Huston: I think so many of us feel in constant overwhelm, whether that's from the news cycle, whether that's from work and fear of jobs being cut, or your personal life, you know, you're caring for more. people and in more ways than you ever imagined you would, or that you feel prepared for.

you know, you feel like you're failing at everything. I think. So many of us are in a state of constant overwhelm and our devices just pull us into things that are numbing and give us that detachment, but that don't actually give us a break. And so I think we need more tools and, and my hope with the book.

Most of the tools in there are five minutes or less, just like the two exercises we just demonstrated. So there are things you can fit in, and I, I organize the book so that you could quickly turn to the chapter you want. You don't have to start from the beginning and read to the end. Instead, you can be like, I, I need help with decision making.

What does the chapter on decision making say? Right? Because I've gotta face a hard decision, maybe deciding whether to put them in assisted living or not. So some something that you need right now. I promise [00:43:00] you that book probably has a strategy that you can do in less than 10 minutes.

So that's my hope is to say neuroscience has got your back. your best days are still ahead of you.

Alison Cook: This is beautiful. The book is Sharp. 14 Simple Ways to Improve Your Life with Brain Science. Amazing. So, so [00:47:00] helpful. Therese, I would love to have you back on sometime. I think what you're doing is just so needed and I'm

Therese Huston: Thank you, Alison. I feel like we do good work together and I, I just feel honored to be here.

Alison Cook: Thank you. 

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