Posts
The Enmeshed Family and 6 Signs of Toxic Behavior
Were you raised in an enmeshed family? Here are some telltale signs. For example, were you taught that it was your job to keep mom or dad happy? Did you feel guilty if you weren’t constantly tuned to a parent’s needs? To this day, do you still feel pressure to do what other family members...
Setting Boundaries with Friends
Question: “Alison, can you give some tips for setting boundaries with friends after a painful experience? My best friend replaced me with someone else she likes better and has started talking behind my back.” (Brandy D.) Answer: Setting boundaries with friends can feel confusing. I empathize with your situation. It’s painful to feel “replaced” by...
Healthy Boundaries in Marriage and How to Tell the Difference
Question: What are examples of healthy boundaries in marriage? How do I love my spouse, but still express my own voice and needs? (Barbara G.) Examples of healthy boundaries in marriage can be hard to identify. When things are working—whether in your marriage or in someone else’s—it just seems natural. On the other hand, examples...
Ask Alison: Is Setting Boundaries Selfish?
Question: Is setting boundaries selfish? What if taking care of my own needs causes discomfort for somebody else? Isn’t it better to be selfless? (Virginia H.) Answer: Whenever I talk to women about the importance of setting boundaries, I tend to hear push-back in the form of these questions: “But, isn’t it selfish to tell...
Ask Alison: How do I set boundaries in close quarters with others?
Question: How do I set boundaries while living in close quarters with other people? Answer: Hello, dear friends. I’ve heard from many of you over the past week about the various ways you’re dealing with the Covid-19 crisis and facing the reality of living in quarantine. Here’s a sample of questions I’ve received: How do...
How to Forgive and Move On in a Relationship
Question: People keep telling me that I need to forgive and move on in my relationship. I want to forgive, but does that mean I have to pretend like nothing happened? (Julie W.) Answer: I’m so glad you asked this question. How to forgive and move on in a relationship is often misunderstood. The short...
Ask Alison: How do I find new friends when I say “No” to unhealthy friendships?
Question: I decided to stop spending time with some friends who didn’t reciprocate interest in me and my life. But, now I feel lonely. What should I do? (Irene B.) Answer: I’m so glad you asked this question, because your situation is a common experience for many women who start setting new boundaries. First, I...
How to Strengthen Your Love
Love makes the world go around. But, it can also make your world feel like it has come crashing to a halt when things are hard. That is why it’s so important to strengthen your love by working at it each step of the way. Almost every day in my work of counseling, the topic...
Healing Toxic Self Condemnation
The voice of toxic self-condemnation can still get loud in my head, even after years of “knowing better”. This toxic voice says: —”It’s selfish to consider your own wants and needs.” —”It’s wrong to cultivate your talents or pursue your dreams.” —”You should never consider yourself in any decision you make.” —”You should always sacrifice....
What Every Woman Needs to Know about Boundaries
What if Jesus wants you to uncover the dazzling God-image that burns in your heart? What if your most important job might be to ensure that fire does not go out? If you’re like me, a part of you might think that sounds good, but another part of you might feel hesitant, thinking: doesn’t Jesus...
A Roadmap to You
Wouldn’t it be nice if you reached a point in life when you could hit cruise and coast along in all of your relationships? You could just sit back, listen to the music and trust that everything will work out fine. Most relationships don’t work that way—not the ones we have with our loved ones,...
The Most Important Boundary You Must Set
The most important boundary you must set might surprise you. It’s not the one you need to set with your kids, your toxic friend, or with your in-laws for that matter—as important as those boundaries are. The most important boundary you must set is the one that protects your most important asset. It’s the line...
While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this website and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this website are for informational purposes only.
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