Posts by Alison Cook
Why healthy distance is so important in relationships
My mom always used to say, “some people are loved best from a distance.” I never really understood the idea of healthy distance until I started working through my own boundaries issues. As a young adult, I didn’t know how to hold others responsible for their behaviors, nor did I even think it was important....
Boundaries can help heal a heartache
I’ll never forget the first time I discovered that boundaries can help heal a heartache. Decades ago, I drove home a few weeks after a painful break-up. As I parked in front of my apartment, a favorite song came on the radio. Suddenly, the tears I’d been holding back for weeks came pouring out. In...
Why you should pay attention to guilt
Do you feel guilty all the time? If you do, please know you’re not alone. A constant sense of guilt is one of the most common challenging emotions I come across in people. Sometimes guilt is a subtle feeling—a nagging sense of all the things you’ve done wrong. Sometimes it’s not so subtle—a sense of...
How to make friends with your fear
I’ve learned to make friends with my fear. I know that may sound strange. But after years of denying it—and having it pester me from afar—I’ve learned that befriending fear is the far better way. Many of our teachers and leaders tell us to watch out for fear. They say it holds us back and...
4 steps to befriending your anger
The other night I felt angry. I noticed it deep within, way down at gut level. It welled up within me, and it was all I could do to hold it in. And I took notice. Because it took me years to understand the importance of listening to anger. Instead, I used to bury it....
Alison Cook on Fun Therapy with Mike Foster
Check out this episode of the Fun Therapy podcast, where I talk with the wonderful Mike Foster about emotions, boundaries, safe people, curiosity, and the lost art of listening well. I love what Mike is doing over at Fun Therapy and was so happy to be a part of it! You can listen to my...
When self-doubt battles with desire
I ripped off some band-aids these past few weeks. Numbing band-aids. Long story short: I had made a decision that was based on fear. I didn’t realize it in the moment, but I had decided to participate in a project to stave off self-doubt. God’s Spirit is funny how it works with us. I knew...
The importance of play
I planned to write about weariness today. And honestly, all I want to do is go outside and play. It might be because the hope of spring is finally descending on us here in New England. (There’s a reason we have Tom Brady, guys. Have you spent a winter in New England? We need *something*...
What if loneliness was a gift?
Loneliness gets a bad rap. And for good reason. One of our deepest, most basic human needs is to experience healthy attachment—or in non-psychological terms, to experience loving connection with someone who sees us. When you stop numbing, one of the first painful emotions you may encounter is loneliness. And loneliness is a double-whammy. It often...
7 vulnerable feelings that surface when you stop numbing
As you peel back the layers of numbing behaviors, you might notice new feelings that surface—vulnerable feelings that may be uncomfortable or unpleasant. There’s a reason we numb. Don’t be alarmed. Those painful feelings are presenting themselves for healing. Look at these feelings as an opportunity to take a You-Turn and gain insight into your...
A note to all our numbing pain avoiders
As Lent arrives, I see you, my impulsive, sometimes sneaky, pleasure seeking little numbing sidekick. But here’s the thing my dear, young, “I want what I want when I want it” self. God wants more for you. He really does. And I’m not just saying that because I’m supposed to. You see, I’ve encountered the...
Losing it with your loved ones? Try these 2 things.
Are you losing it with your loved ones? Maybe you’re yelling at your kids. . .Or you’re bitter with your spouse, and it’s coming out in sarcastic digs. Sometimes you might just be swearing to high-heaven inside your mind – muttering words under your breath you’d never let anyone hear. When anger festers, it doesn’t...
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